Dating as a millennial has to be the most confusing, frustrating, and exhilarating experience. It’s only getting more complicated as technology advances. Face it; dating apps are the new form of meeting people, and social media confirmation is becoming more prevalent.
Social media is known for providing a lot of things, one of the main things being objective opinions in the form of viral memes shared on Facebook. Most having to do with being in a relationship or being single, and quotes that help people find closure or get a good laugh out of these 20-something topics.
I read one recently that had me really thinking, and also made me cringe, because I personally don’t find it to be true—but I guess that’s the beauty of having a voice and forming your own conclusion on something.
The viral quote via @Womensera on Facebook read:
“Marry a man who loves you more than you love him. My mother once told me: When you hold a man’s hand and he makes your heart beat faster and he makes you feel giddy and excited, walk away from this man. He is not the man for you. If you hold a man’s hand and he makes you feel warm, safe and secure, hold onto him, this is the man you’re going to marry.”
I honestly couldn’t believe this was something over one million people shared and agreed with, or even that a mother would tell her daughter, because to me, it’s one of the silliest things I’ve ever read.
I guess this is the good ole’ lust vs. love and head vs. heart argument, but put very simply and without much explanation. This seems like an old-school, selfish approach to love. I understand the point of the quote, which I believe is to be with the “good” guy and not a guy who makes you feel ONLY lust—I just don’t agree with the delivery. I’m sure the mother’s intentions were well. The underlying message is objective and completely up to you, though.
First Sentence: Why The Mother Has It All Wrong
I’m in no way an expert at being in relationships, but I can say as a 21-year-old girl trying to survive dating these days, my jaw actually dropped. This statement is an absolutely ridiculous way to view how you should find a partner, because feelings are much more complicated than that, as are men, and you should equally love each other, or someone will always get burnt.
As women, we do deserve to be treated right, but why be with someone who will give you the world, if you wouldn’t in return? That’s teaching young women to be greedy in their pursuit of love. Where does your happiness lie in this situation? Fancy dinners, gifts, and being given everything will mean nothing if you don’t appreciate and love the person doing it for you. A relationship is a give and take. You don’t wake up next to your diamond necklace every morning, you wake up to the man who bought it for you. The first sentence should say “Marry a man who loves you just as much as you love him.”
The Bad Boy
My take on the man who makes you feel excited and giddy in this quote is supposed to be the “bad boy,” but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Why can’t he be both the guy who makes you giddy, and the guy who makes you feel safe?
Someone who makes you feel giddy, excited, and makes your heart beat faster is not someone you should walk away from. These jittery feelings don’t mean the attraction between you two is just lust. It’s OK to have butterflies and feel nervous. I’m not sure why over a million people are promoting women to feel what’s-close-to-nothing and settle for “safe.” Dating and finding people with true feelings is hard enough. Feel as damn excited and giddy as you want, hopefully forever, with that person.
I was once in a bar bathroom where all of the very inspirational and motivational girl-talk occurs. An older woman overheard my best friend and I gossiping about the guys we are dating, and she so very fiercely told us to “Never stop dating your husband when you’re married, always be his girlfriend.” She’s been married over 30 years and was out at a bar with her husband primping in the bathroom, because he still made her feel excited and beautiful. When you’re someone’s girlfriend you’re supposed to feel giddy, I don’t think you should lose that.
Giving out advice to walk away from this man who makes your heart beat faster is pointless, why rob yourself of your own happiness? Being in love isn’t a walk in the park. It should be intoxicating, frustrating and exciting. You shouldn’t walk away from someone who makes you care. I think it’s important to be with someone who makes your heart beat faster, because you know it’s beating faster for them, and you know they make you feel something. Feeling something is much more important than going through the motions just to feel secure.
The Safe Guy
I’ve been with the man who makes me feel warm, safe, and secure, but that doesn’t mean he’s a better man because of this. Safe and secure is wonderful, but it often becomes too comfortable, and comfortability in relationships can easily lead to boring, and boring never flourishes well. Just because you feel warm and cuddly with a guy, doesn’t mean he’s the one you’re meant to be with. But then again, who said the safe guy can’t make your heart beat faster?
The Right Guy
I think we should be with someone who makes us feel everything. Safety and security are important, but they’re not everything. Butterflies aren’t everything either if you don’t feel secure. There’s not only two types of guys, and there’s definitely not only a handful of feelings to choose from.
The quote should have been “You should only walk away from a man when you’re not getting all of the feelings you deserve out of being with someone. Those feelings are different for everyone, but when you have them all, that is when you’ll know he is the one.”