Why You And I Can Never Be Just Friends

03/09/2017 06:43 pm ET Updated Mar 10, 2017

This article was originally written by Neha Nathani via Unwritten.

Is it selfish of me to say that I don’t want to be your best friend if we’re not dating? It wouldn’t be easy for me to say goodbye, but it’s not impossible. It’s crazy to think that there was a time not that long ago, that I didn’t even know you existed. I just don’t think I can handle seeing you with someone else, or even hearing you talk about anyone else. There was a time where those were our topics of conversation, but since then things have changed, we have changed. I’m just trying to protect my heart.

I’m sorry that I lied to you. I said that we could go back to being just friends if that’s what was supposed to happen. But I fell for you, so what am I supposed to do? I see you and I want to hug you, I want to hold on to you. I want you to be near me and I can’t have all of that if I’m not with you. I’m okay right now because you’re not with anyone else, but what happens when you find her? What will I do?

You say I’m your best friend and I believe you. You are my best friend too. You say you can’t imagine life without me and that makes sense because it’s hard for me to imagine it too. But I feel like that’s what I might need to do to move on. To be clear, I don’t think that it’s fair to either of us but I don’t know what else to do.

I look forward to the days that I know I’ll get to see you, you make my day better. I love when my phone rings and I see your name because I get to hear your voice; the conversation is never rushed and we always have a lot to talk about. I account for you in my grocery shopping because you’re one of the hungriest humans I know, but I don’t mind. My favorite time with you consists of hanging out on the couch and watching a movie. I could write about you for hours, and that’s what worries me most.

I talk about you like you’re my boyfriend because we do so much together. Sometimes I feel like you are, but to be honest, you’re sending me mixed signals and it confuses me. You don’t want to be with me but the way you look at me says otherwise. I think about the time that you said I was perfect, just not perfect for you. I just want to know why so that I can fix it but that’s not how it works. You said you could marry me but I’m not for you? You want me to go on vacation with just you but we shouldn’t be together? Am I crazy or this sound like someone who wants to date? Please answer my questions because right now I don’t know any of the answers.

I’m sorry but If I’m not your everything, I can’t be your anything.