When I got an email from a newly separated reader asking “Do I have the right to be angry at God?” I thought it was noteworthy to address. Why? Because I think feeling angry with God is not uncommon in the wake of a separation and through a divorce. Here is her email:
I am angry at GOD, at this world, and I am trying to do the best to keep it all together. Do I have the right to be angry at GOD? I felt like I did the right thing, and everyone tells me it will get better, but IDK. If I can just get over this hurdle, I know I will be better on the other end. I am just so angry.
When I was going through my divorce several years ago, I remember feeling really angry, as well. I was angry at the situation, angry with my ex, angry with everyone, and angry with God. I remember thinking, ‘Why is God doing this to me?’
What is important to realize is, God doesn’t cause divorce. This might sound harsh, but I’ll say it anyway. The people who married the wrong person caused the divorce. I promise I’m not beating anyone up for this. I, myself married the wrong guy and realize that my divorce happened, not because of God, but because of me and my ex-husband—no one else. But, I didn’t feel that way at the time. At the time, I was angry with just the whole situation, and it’s really easy to blame everyone and anyone for the pain instead of looking in the mirror and saying, “OK, this is God’s plan and now it’s up to me to find the strength and courage to fix my life.” And, what better way to do that than to lean on God? God’s role is to be there to give the strength and courage to handle the divorce and to make life better.
Several years ago, a friend of mine had a baby who died at 13 months old of a brain tumor. I went to the funeral and came home, called my sister and was hysterically crying and screaming, “How could God let this happen?”
My sister said, “God didn’t let this happen. Nature and the baby’s biological makeup did this. God had nothing to do with his death. But God will have a lot to do with helping the family heal from this. He will give them guidance and courage and the strength to go on and live their lives. I never forgot her wise words. On a side note, the parents are still together and went on to have two more children, who are healthy and beautiful.
I think in the face of tragedy and/or a divorce or any other problem, it is natural to be very angry and to want to blame everyone for what happened, including God. But, after the ranting and raving and venting and grieving must come reason, and the sense to realize the miracle of what God can do for us. IF...we let Him into our hearts and believe that with His help we can overcome anything. Having faith and leaning on God brings acceptance and peace and clarity and a sense of calm. Remember that HE is always in your corner.
In closing, here is a great story about God. Over the Jewish holidays (a couple weeks ago) I went to temple the night of Yom Kippur. The next day, my Catholic boyfriend asked me if I was going to temple again (because you are supposed to go the next day also.) I replied, “I’m not sure. I just feel too busy today.” My boyfriend’s response: “Oh, really? Is He too busy for you when you need him?” I ended up going to temple that day. The point is, I truly believe that faith and worship and God is strong, and that it helps so much more than we can imagine. So, to those who are angry with God, stop and realize who you are really angry with. Is it you? Is it your ex? Is it the person your ex is now with? Is it friends who sided with your ex? Is it the situation? It’s OK to be angry with those people for as long as you need (although at some point, letting it go will free you and allow for peace and a healthy future.) But who you truly cannot be angry with is God, because He is always on your side. He is all around you, in your heart and is here to protect and give you strength. How can you be angry at that??
Jackie Pilossoph is the creator of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of her novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationship column, Love Essentially, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press. Pilossoph lives with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she’s divorced.