As we approach the season of love and arrows, here's my shot on getting personal and cultural love write... I mean rite... actually right.
Write Love:
Write poetry? Outside of greeting cards, we don't. The days of Cyrano de Bergerac, when bakers would "improvise eloquently," are long past. It's not that we aren't creative, but we have other, and some might say more productive outlets for displaying our genius than rhyming French couplets.
Write romance? Written romance sizzles when external and internal hindrances keep would-be lovers apart long enough to truly appreciate their beloved. The key: sex in a first or second meeting is just lust.
Write love? You may not be poetic or romantic, but you can write love. Psychologists say some people have a "love language" that talks in love notes. Find out if you love someone with this language and give them a line in your own words. You may never earn a penny writing, but be they ever so humble your words could win a home.
Rite Love:
In our society love often leads to marriage rites.
Not all marriage rites are love rites. In the Middle East, the complications of temporary marriage and polygamy are common themes in film. They are also present in my novel "The Topkapi Secret," which may make them seem acceptable. But I agree with those who see these practices as damaging to societies -- as are kidnapping brides, child marriage, hidden marriages, and dowry-motivated abuses.
Americans may be surprised to discover that polygamy and temporary marriage are actively practiced in our own country. Temporary marriage, a sexual relationship for a set time at a set price, reduces women to prostitutes. Should we allow this because one religion sanctions it and may even arrange it, whilst we arrest inner city prostitutes?
"Polygamy turns women into furniture," says a Middle Eastern friend who was in a polygamous marriage for many years, as was her mother. "Men have all the control: they can buy and sell you as they please."
As a social issue, approaches to polygamy differ depending on whether we are addressing it in a polygamous or a monogamous culture. In America, only one wife is legally recognized, but does that make the other wives of polygamous men "single mothers" who are eligible for welfare?
May America continue to hold that these practices are detrimental to women, family mechanics, and society; thus excluding any thought of legally recognizing or supporting "rites" which are not "right":
Right Love:
Let's review tips for keeping the true Spirit of Valentine's Day all year long:
Love is a verb. If that loving feeling enables us to put someone else's needs above our own then it's functional, like training wheels. But if the feeling makes us push forward an agenda of self-gratification, then it's simply appetite. And if it exploits or damages another, it is abusive and possibly evil.
Right love is golden, like the rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Such love is always in style.
Right love means tough love. It means making the best decisions for those we love, and at times ourselves, even if we get disliked in the short run.
Right love doesn't guarantee that we will be loved back; but Western and Eastern philosophies agree that in general you "reap what you sow" -- at least in this life if not beyond.
Right love is not just for lovers. It's good for society as well as personal relationships. The way we treat our beloved patterns how we treat everyone. Right love reminds us to, "Make the world a better place or you're just taking up space." (quoted from The Topkapi Secret)
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