THE BLOG
01/29/2015 03:26 pm ET Updated Mar 31, 2015

Are You Being Owned By Life? Or Are You Owning Life?

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I keep coming across amazing, beautiful and smart women that are being owned by life, and it fires me up! YOU are so much more powerful than you think but the second you blame anything you are throwing that power away.

In my 12-week program we talk a lot about taking responsibility.

We are all adults now and it's time that we started acting like it. We're old enough to drive a car, go out with friends and have financial commitments but the minute something doesn't go our way we start blaming other things -- our boss, our parents, our partner, our friend, fuel prices, the taxman etc.

We so easily point the finger, but we rarely look in the mirror. When we blame we give away our power. We use up so much energy getting pissed off at whatever it is we're putting the blame onto rather than trying to come up with a solution to the problem that we've gotten ourselves in to.

This is an honest post. It's one that I relate to on so many different levels; because for so long I blamed so many other things for the way that I was living. An ex for using me. Another for physically abusing me. My friends for being dishonest. My boss for not appreciating my hard work. Money because I never had enough. Time because my hangovers stole my days. My body because it didn't look the way I wanted it to. My family for not getting it.

All of my energy was going into being so angry about what had happened to me. I spent so long simmering over every misfortune. I felt so wound up all the time -- so negative. On the outside I was this hard shell, this faker. My words were poisonous but it was acceptable in the environment that I was in -- everyone bonded over their misfortunes. It was toxic. It was eating me alive but because I couldn't physically see it and it was so easy to ignore all the warning signs from my body, I let it go on for years.

It's not owning your life.

Are you doing it? Are you using excuses and shifting blame because you're too scared of what will happen if you are truly honest with yourself? Does it scare you to look in the mirror?

It scared the absolute crap out of me. It was so confrontational. It was so rewarding.

Let me teach you how to take responsibility. How to take back control of your life and start living the one that YOU want to be living -- it's the most amazing feeling in the world to have everything you wished for and to know that anything is possible.

Whenever I find myself using an excuse to avoid being honest about the way I'm actually feeling I remind myself that I have a CHOICE. In every situation I can decide to take responsibility or to give it away - to choose love or fear.

If you want better relationships, to find love, to know how to manage your money so that you can afford the things that you want, to not feel lonely anymore, to have self-worth, to not feel uncertainty about the future, to be happy -- then get out of your own way!

I write these blogs to help you, to make you realize that you're not alone in the way that you're feeling but that you don't have to feel the way you feel. You can change. Your life can be so much more than what it is. But without the right tools, without the knowledge, without the support -- you'll keep doing what you do and feeling the way you feel.

Don't let another year fly by -- don't let your excuses and that blame eat you up any longer than it has.

"People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives." -- J. Michael Straczynski

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.