12/19/2014 03:07 pm ET Updated Feb 18, 2015

Self Discovery: Yes!

Self Discovery - YES!

During this holiday season of happiness, comfort and joy, I thought I'd share a discovery that's given me, and those I care most about, a great sense of inner peace and fulfillment.

Backing up for a minute, in my professional life, one of the most appreciated and effective concepts I shared with my colleagues, students and loved ones was the power of the discovery conversation.

And the beat still goes on....
Just this week, my favorite "coachee" and I revisited how much sweeter life is when we really encourage others -- and ourselves, to dig inside to discover how we can all sort out what it will take to make our lives wildly successful and fulfilling. The idea was so exciting, it inspired me to write this blog.

The main "No No" to enable this process to go really well.... is to remember -- no "teaching or telling" others allowed! Hints and good questions can be very successful to get us all started, as long as we remember -- it's "the digger's" agenda that counts, and the final ideas and decisions have to come from their hearts and mouths.

Here's a sample of a Discovery Conversation (DC) I do with myself frequently - the same questions I share with those SPs (Special People) in my life who find regularly doing their own DCs very powerful.

Assuming I had no constraints of time, money or obligations...

• Which of my activities would make me most happy and proud of myself? Are there some I really want to do, but never get to?
• What results would make my efforts most worthwhile?
• Do I prioritize these goals -- with the most important ones at the top of my list? Am I happy with my list? Should I redo it?
• How can I share these concepts most effectively, and with whom?

I recognize that I'm at quite an advantage to those of you who are still entrenched in busy, involved careers -- i'm rewired. But that doesn't mean you can't get much better at discovering the current Must Dos for you, and decide to make them your highest priority. It's too easy to brush over really important things with, "I'll do that later, when I have time." Nope! Every day is a new opportunity to make this a truly memorable one! Choosing which things will matter most to you, long term, is what makes self discovery worth the effort!

As a good friend of mine said, "And once you know what you want and need to do - so now what? My problem is not taking the next step!" I've come to realize that making no decision to get started is making the worst decision of all -- and unfortunately, no one but you can take that giant step for you! So...?

A few examples...

Do you collect too much "stuff"? It seems most of us do, including me, on a regular basis. This delightful season is one of the main "Give and Get More Stuff" offenders. Thanks to my dear 100/100 daughter, who lovingly suggested I re-examine my over-the-top approach to present giving. I dug deep, and discovered she was right on. I'm now working hard with all my SPs, to show my love and caring by NOT adding to their stuff. I'm finding better ways to show them how much I care. Offering my time/help to do things they care about, providing a little cash so they can choose how to spend it, staying in closer touch and exchanging our news and views, are some of the ways I've found to show them how important they are to me in the grand scheme of things.

It seems that as the decades pass, and I get "more mature", these discoveries of how to get the very most out of each day, become more obvious and important, making life much sweeter and more precious.

Another example that touched my heart... Our dear friend Tom, who's a great pianist, volunteered to host a Holiday Sing-a-Long for our SPs -- with the sole purpose of sharing some holiday joy and happiness together. Talk about doing something FUN for all the right reasons! This definitely could become a habit with us!

And one more self discovery my dear "chosen" daughter and I discussed at lunch recently - continuing to discover how great it feels to be true to your inner core - your gut instinct that will propel you in the right direction if you let it, without worrying about other people's reactions or approval before saying what and how you really feel. Doing so gives you tremendous energy and a sense of true purpose to keep on keeping on. Those who really care about you will appreciate your openness and make the effort to understand where you're coming from. When they don't agree, they'll share why (being 100/100 of course) and then let you make the decision that's best for you. Those who get upset with you -- feel free to wonder about their real motives and ask yourself if you're making their problems your problems. Agreeing to disagree is very freeing.

Daily self discoveries lurk in the most unsuspecting places. I'm working hard on not missing too many of my own, and also listening ever more carefully and paying more attention to what others think and feel, as well as what they say and do. It's wonderful to see their surprised reactions! Some even decide to try things a whole new way. It's being "fertile-minded", don't you think?

So my wish for you, all my SP, is for a joyous holiday season, filled with new self discoveries. I hope you let them enrich your lives!

It would truly delight me if you'd be willing to trade any new insights or discoveries you've "met" recently. It can be our valuable holiday gifts (no stuff!) to each other, which may encourage us all to add this new skill to our repertoire - all year long!

One more thing... Please share your comments with me directly, as Huffington Post comments go straight to Facebook. I'd sure hate to miss any of yours. If you're not yet on my SP list, and would like to be, please let me know.

Here's to many brilliant self discoveries!
Happy holidays,