05/03/2011 06:55 pm ET Updated Jun 30, 2011

Astrology and the News: Royal Weddings, Birth Certificates, DOMA and Odyssey Dawn

Mercury, the planet of communication was retrograde between March 29th to April 23rd. Of course, Mercury, the messenger and trickster didn't really travel backwards, but to us on earth, it appeared so. Whenever Mercury retrogrades, all aspects of communication, computers, and technology experience glitches. We miss flights, lose keys and say the right thing at the wrong time. So, avoid signing contracts, and making big purchases, and for heaven's sake DON'T GET MARRIED. You could, if you want, revise, renew, reevaluate, redefine, or use any other word you can find that begins with "re," during Mercury Retrograde.

Mercury treats the rich and the poor, the powerful and the disenfranchised, equally, unlike most of our politicians.

So who ignored mighty Mercury? The House Republicans.

During Mercury retrograde, they signed a contract with prominent Atlanta law firm, King and Spalding, to protect the Defense of Marriage Act, also known as DOMA, for an estimated $500,000. That is DESPITE the Obama administration's decision that DOMA is a waste of taxpayers' money.

Talk about fiscal conservatism.

All this money to defend marriage. From whom? From those who want to join the ranks of the married? Defend marriage against marriage? Nice.

Well, as we have predicted, contracts signed under Mercury retrograde are worth something close to nothing, even if the document promised the law firm $520 an hour to defend marriage against itself. On Monday, April 25th, less than 48 hours after Mercury went direct, the law firm decided to reverse their decision and drop DOMA's defense.

Robert D. Hays Jr., the firm's chairman said: "In reviewing this assignment further, I determined that the process used for vetting this engagement was inadequate."

The recent focus on the redefinition of marriage can be traced to Saturn moving into Libra, the sign of relationships. In addition, Saturn, the planet of conservatism, often describing Republicans, is opposite Uranus, the planet of freedom and reform that is associated with the Democrats. Last time these planets were pitted against each other was 1965, when the Supreme Court declared Virginia's ban on interracial marriage unconstitutional.

In fact, if the court had not made this decision, our president, with a black father and a white mother, would have been considered, well, for a lack of better words, a bastard.

I never truly understood what the mystics mean when they say Creatio Ex-Nihilo -- something comes of nothing -- until today, when I heard that because of Donald Trump's nihilistic attempts to Trump President Obama's eligibility as commander in chief, we now have President Obama's birth certificate with his TIME OF BIRTH! The time gives us astrologers the ability to cast a precise chart. And yes, President Barak Obama was born in the USA! (Play Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA").

The revelation of the long birth certificate came after Donald Trump said Obama was pulling "one of the greatest cons in the history of politics." Well, it takes one to know one. Thank you Donald!

Getting back to marriages, Prince William and Kate Middleton got married at Westminster Abbey on April 29, 2011. One third of humanity witnessed them exchange vows. However, unlike House Republicans who have forgotten that their star president, Ronald Reagan, consulted the stars, the royal couple will not get married on Mercury retrograde and therefore have a higher chance of staying together for a while.

The last royal wedding took place 30 years ago, in 1981, when Prince Charles and Lady Diana got married in front of 600,000 people. This means that Prince William is getting married under the same Saturn sign, Libra, as his parents did. Saturn, the planet of commitment, is transiting once in 30 years through Libra, the sign of marriage, which gives the royals a cosmic blessing. However, a warning, and it's not because I wasn't invited to the wedding. Saturn is now retrograding and it can show its wrathful face. Saturn is in the fourth house of home, family and security. Since Saturn is considered by the ancients as the grand malefic planet, this could delay producing a royal heir or, even worse, terminate the monarchy.

Now take a look at Saturn's position in his parents' chart and you will see Saturn in the 12th house of suffering, pain and accidents. Saturn also plays a big role in the wedding since both Prince William and Kate are going through their Saturn Return, which happens to everyone, royal or commoner, between the ages of 28-31 and 58-61. Saturn is the great teacher. Whatever you are going through right now is really a reverberation of something that started 30 years ago. For example, Al Gore had begun talking about Global Warming when at the age of 29, his first Saturn Return. 30 years later, on his second Saturn return, he won the Nobel Peace Prize as well as an Academy Award for Inconvenient Truth.

Saturn Return is a time of commitment, taking responsibility and finding a new identity; in the case of Prince William and Kate Middleton it's forming a family.

Saturn has a ring and indeed Prince William presented his bride with his late mother's wedding ring.

As for compatibility, Prince William was born on the New Moon in Cancer and Kate Middleton, a Capricorn, was born on the Full Moon. Opposite signs are considered a powerful combination. They are like the cycles of the moon; he begins a sentence, and she completes it. Capricorn symbolizes the Holy Grail and Cancer, the holy water. So there you have it: they might live happily ever after.

As we welcome one marriage, we are seeing another on its way out.

The LA Dodgers are feeling the seven year itch. It was in 2004, seven years ago, that Frank and Jamie McCourt bought the team and started using it as an ATM for their lavish lifestyle, until Major League Baseball decided to take over the team. The McCourts who are getting divorced after being married for an entire Saturn cycle of 30 years, are battling over the team's ownership in court. Did the team kill their marriage or did their broken marriage kill the team? The infamous seven year itch is associated, like all good things, with Saturn, the ruler of the seven day, which is also named after it, Saturday. Every seven years we reexamine our relationships, be it with our car, spouse, or career.

The McCourts and their epic battle in court. Talk about the power of a name...

Who in his right mind decided to call the Libya military operation Odyssey Dawn? While "dawn" is the time of the day associated with Aries, the sign of war and liberation, it took Odysseus and his men TEN long years to return home from a futile war. This is not a good name for a swift operation. Well, when Secretary Gates was grilled by Congress on March 31, he said and I quote: "We've tried regime change before, sometimes it's worked; sometimes it's taken TEN years."