THE BLOG
01/21/2015 10:55 am ET Updated Mar 23, 2015

Seth Rogen Made a Joke About a Movie, Which Means He Must Hate America

American Sniper is a big Hollywood success story. The movie is based on the true story of Navy SEAL Chris Kyle, reportedly the most lethal sniper in United States military history. (Note: The movie should not be confused with American Snipper, a documentary about my barber.) The film has already grossed more than 100 million dollars. Heck, with that kind of dough, I assume the production company is already working on a script about whoever the second-most lethal sniper in American military history might be.

Actor Seth Rogen is being heavily criticized for a tweet he posted. "American Sniper kind of reminds me of the movie that's showing in the third act of Inglorious Basterds." I've read articles describing Rogen as "cowardly", "disgraceful", "disgusting", and "stoned." Although, in fairness, the "stoned" description was not in reference to anything he wrote about American Sniper.

But cowardly? Really? We now live in a country where you are a coward for criticizing a movie, apparently. I kind of figured America's fake outrage over celebrity comments would have started to wane by now. Celebrities must be filled with anxiety knowing that anything they say or write might end their career. I mean, I don't know what Arsenio Hall tweeted, but it must have been really controversial.

As a matter of fact, the movie-within-a-movie in Inglourious Basterds is called Nation's Pride. And on screen, a military sniper is shooting people from a tower. In other words, it kind of reminds one of the American Sniper trailer. Oops. I didn't mean to sound cowardly. I swear I love America. I vote, I pay taxes, I have great respect for our military veterans, and I can even recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag... at least until I get to the indivisible part, where I start to forget the words. (Note: But I refuse to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance to the Chair.)

American Sniper is a movie. It's not disgraceful to criticize a movie. In fact, it's disgraceful to not criticize movies. Did you see Transformers? It's every American Canadian's right to have an opinion about a movie, or even to opine politically. Being disgusted by Seth Rogen's tweet doesn't make you patriotic; it just makes you a moron.

I was watching The Five on Fox News this week. It's where I get all my pretend news. The Five pundits were criticizing Hollywood for being "against" American Sniper. They were outraged at filmmaker Michael Moore for posting this tweet:

My uncle killed by sniper in WW2. We were taught snipers were cowards. Will shoot u in the back. Snipers aren't heroes. And invaders r worse.

Man, I don't agree with Michael Moore. But I love pizza. I don't like when people criticize pizza. But if your grandpa was killed by pizza, I'll give you a pass. In America now, you're considered unpatriotic for being against snipers.

Nevertheless, I'm interested in The Five's perception of Hollywood. American Sniper is a big-budget Hollywood movie, starring a famous Hollywood movie actor, directed by a big-time Hollywood director. The Hollywood studio that released the movie has spent millions of dollars marketing the movie. And the movie has been recognized with important Hollywood awards. It's nominated for Best Picture. American Sniper is about as "Hollywood" as you can get. But the geniuses on Fox News feel that Hollywood is against the movie because a fat guy who makes documentaries in Michigan wrote a tweet. Ah, fair and balanced stupidity.

On Fox News, the most unpatriotic thing you can do, aside from supporting the President of the United States, is to criticize a war movie. When Mark Wahlberg's Lone Survivor was released in theaters, The Five pundits told their viewers they should go see the movie in order "to support the troops." Umm... how the hell am I supporting the troops by going to see a movie starring Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch? The list of meaningless ways to support the troops continues to grow: yellow magnet on car, American flag pin on lapel, randomly saying "I support the troops", and now watching movies.

On The View this week, an outraged host Nicolle Wallace said the military should protest Seth Rogen's tweet by boycotting his movie, The Interview. Oh, how I miss the nuanced intellectualism of Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Just weeks ago, we were told that to see The Interview was patriotic; to see the film was a protest against North Korean tyranny, a symbol of American rebellion and freedom. But now it's a show of patriotism to skip the movie. This is more confusing than Kim Jong-un's haircut. (He needs an American snipper.)

I haven't seen American Sniper yet. I will. I see everything. I like movies. I especially hope I like American Sniper. Because if I don't, apparently that means I am unpatriotic. Though... by seeing the movie, doesn't that make me patriotic? It's very disconcerting. I hope Bradley Cooper doesn't criticize his own movie. If he does, I will show my patriotism by boycotting the movie. But I will still catch it in a few months on DVD... to support the troops.

Soon after his initial comment, Seth Rogen retweeted a clarification, almost an apology of sorts. I wish he didn't do that. Fake outrage doesn't deserve apology. I've learned something about idiots incensed over nonsense; they quickly forget and move on to the next hot topic.

Speaking of short memories...

American Sniper reminded Seth Rogen of a scene from Inglourious Basterds. (Yes, that's the proper way to spell it.) Actually, though, from the scenes I've seen, the film is actually quite reminiscent of The Hurt Locker, a realistic American war film from 2008 that honors the American soldier and the dangers he goes through. Liberal Hollywood honored The Hurt Locker with the Academy Award for Best Picture. Yet it grossed less than any other Best Picture winner. I guess American moviegoers aren't very patriotic.

I saw The Hurt Locker. It was okay. I liked Inglourious Basterds better. Oh, but I absolutely loved the Captain America movies. I'm patriotic that way.