5. Arrive late to your interview, and don't call to let them know you're stuck in traffic. YOU are the main attraction. Make the hiring manager wait and keep them in suspense. This will make meeting you even more exciting!
4. When you finally do arrive at the interview, give everyone you meet a limp, sweaty handshake. A firm handshake, absolutely not! You want to make sure they see that you know who's boss.
3. As often as you can, make sure to tell the interviewer how much everyone loved you at your last job, and how they couldn't survive without you. Don't bother providing concrete examples that illustrate your successes, knowing that you were indispensable should be justification enough. Make sure you discuss what is most important to you. Ask how soon you can take vacation, and if you are expected to work overtime. It's good to make sure the interviewer knows what your priorities are.
2. When the interviewer asks you a question, don't give an articulate answer. In fact, give short answers that reveal nothing about yourself or any relevant work experience. When asked, "Tell me about yourself," make sure to begin by including the story of your birth, and any other traumatic experiences you have been through since childhood. If the interviewer asks you where you see yourself in five years, mention anything but working for their company. You can even mention a future career change working for a different company in an entirely different industry. Didn't your mama always tell you that you could be anything you wanted to be when you grew up?
1. Close the interview by asking what the company can do for you if you decide to take the job. Just assume that you are exactly what they are looking for. Make them convince you that this is a job you can't possibly refuse.