07/05/2006 11:53 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Poor Enough To Die

Since Republicans are opposed to universal healthcare and Democrats are too cowardly to stand behind a social program that has saved countless lives in just about every industrialized nation but our own, this post is pretty much moot. Nevertheless, let's pretend that the egomaniacs in Washington D.C. actually cared about the fact that poor Americans are dying of preventable diseases every damn day and that there was a spirited election-year debate on this crisis. If that was the case, here's the political ad I'd like to see :

Operator : 911, what's your emergency?

Caller : I need an ambulance for 321 Evergreen Terrace! I think my grandpa has had a heart attack.

Operator : Okay, is he conscious?

Caller : No, he just fell down. Please hurry, he's not moving.

Operator : Alright, before I send help I need to get a little more information. What's your household's annual income?

Caller : What?!

Operator : I just need to know how much money you make.

Caller : I don't know. Maybe twenty thousand a year. We need help! My grandfather is dying.

Operator : Oh...I'm sorry. I'm not going to be able to send anyone. We're only able to help people who can afford our services.

[Cut to flatlining EKG machine]

Voice Over : Is this the future of American healthcare? Millions of Americans suffer from preventable diseases every day because they can't afford health insurance. Call your Senator and let them know that nobody should deserve to die because they're too poor to go to the doctor.

But like I said, this is just a moot point. Poor people can't afford a lobbyist to stand up for them, so the chances of either party making an issue of this is virtually nil.