I can feel the sludge building up in my brain -- too much to remember, to-do lists piling up on scraps of paper along with all the reminders in my phone. I start feeling overwhelmed, and rather than getting more productive with more to do, I get less productive because I don't know what to do first.
I'm learning, slowly, that when I start to feel this way, following my body's instinct to slow down makes sense. I'm used to telling myself I'm lazy if I'm not productive. I feel proud when I have a day that I keep busy all day without wasting time, but it's an impossible standard to meet every day, or even most days.
If you look up "wasting time," you'll find numerous articles that extol the benefits of downtime for increasing creativity and productivity, qualities we'd all like more of. I notice that my days go better when I have a novel or a favorite show to look forward to at the end of the day. Those few minutes of escaping from the churning in my own head refreshes me. I spend all day handling and managing information, coming home to deal with more of it, and by the time I go to bed, my head is spinning.
The constant busy-ness affects my kids too. Sometimes my older son says, "It takes me forever to fall asleep because there's so much I'm thinking about and I feel like I'm forgetting something I'm supposed to be doing." This makes me feel bad, because although it may be good preparation for adulthood, this is not what it should be like to be a kid.
Not only that, but I feel so grateful to have the option to relax. I think about men, women, and children all over the world who spend their waking hours working to provide enough food for their families. I am extremely fortunate to have the luxury of time that I can use as I please.
Lately, I've been longing to find ways to unwind without feeling guilty. One goal of mine is to return Sundays to a day of rest, rather than a day to finish household chores. Last Sunday, it was sledding. As my boys and I were bundling up, I was thinking of all the stuff I could be getting done while they were out of the house. I was sort of grumbling to myself that I didn't have time to have fun. But when we started racing down the hill, I remembered what it's like to let go of everything and be in the moment. I am so glad I went with them. How many more times will my boys want me to go sledding with them? How many more years will my body be able to take the abuse of falling off a sled and rolling down a hill? I'd much rather have memories like these than looking back on these years as ones in which I completed all of my self-assigned tasks.
I'm hoping that Sundays will carry over to weekdays as well... that a few hours of playing and putting the to-do lists aside will make me more focused and less resentful when there is work to be done. I started by building a fire in my fireplace and taking the time to watch the flames and listen to the crackling wood. Instead of sorting papers or folding laundry, I just sat and enjoyed the fire.
Cheers to you and I having fun this weekend!
(This blog originally appeared at www.gretedeangelo.com)