02/14/2014 11:53 am ET Updated Apr 15, 2014

Boiling It Down: The Five Little Pigs

In the current economic atmosphere, there is a blame game being carried on. With our national credit rating having been downgraded, the future is dicey. What will happen is anyone's guess. But amidst all of this brouhaha, there are those who are making money as a result of this fiscal fiasco, and find the current conditions to be profitable. I would consider their behavior piggish. These people are pigs.

This little piggy went to market. Actually, he wasn't that little. He was a mature pig, having gone to Yale for his M.B.A. Being a pig, he could not drive a car, because his physical gifts did not match his intellect. So the pig hired a limo and driver to take him to the market...the New York Stock Exchange. As you have no doubt heard, there are many pigs in the market. This pig's job was to solicit members of the U.S. Congress for Wall Street favors: He was in charge of gathering Pork. Overall he was quite successful, although some of his competitors thought that he was occasionally ham-handed.

The second little piggy stayed home. This pig was not really little. Actually, he was a morbidly obese pig who couldn't get out of his bed, which is the reason for staying home. While in bed, the pig tweeted and texted. He had his picture on his Facebook account: His friends said that he looked like a pig. Nonetheless, he had 6,500,000 followers of the BFF variety. Adolescents, or adults who behaved like adolescents, who tweeted Lindsay, Britney and Sarah became interested in friending a pig.

The third little piggy had roast beef. He went with his wife to this fine restaurant. The maitre'd wanted to avoid a scene, so he seated the pigs at a banquette at the rear of the room. After perusing the menu, the wife ordered some exquisite French onion soup, which she ingested through her snout. Her husband desired roast beef, done medium well. He had the waiter slice the beef and feed him. This grossed out most of the patrons.

The fourth little piggy had nothing. He had lost his job, his bank account and his home. He was an impoverished pig. Actually, most pigs live in poverty.

The last little piggy had a social conscience and was quite religious. He tried for the longest time to persuade the Wall Street pig to help the less fortunate, but he had a fat chance of doing that. He tried to get the obese pig to shed some pounds, and stop eating like a hog. As for the eating of roast beef, the fifth pig was a vegetarian and was unsuccessful at changing the eating habits of a pig.

So the last little piggy took the poor little piggy for religious counseling. He felt that getting a pig out of poverty was in the hands of God. The situation called for prayer. Evil spirits caused poverty. So the two pigs went to a convent run by French nuns for help. The abbess of the convent was Mother Goose. She exorcised the poor piggy by incessant quacking and furiously flapping her feathers. The pigs felt revitalized.

After six hours of this behavior, the pigs decided to leave. They felt they had done the right thing. And they cried "Oui, oui, oui" all the way home.