When you can't eat, sleep, or even function because your world is suddenly turned upside down there is no worse feeling.
It's as if you've been gutted. The core of you, usually the foundation that holds you up, is hollow and provides no support.
Knowing there is nothing you can do, that you have zero control in the thing that is causing you so much pain, leaves you feeling helpless, hopeless even.
In a search for an outlet you stumble upon the batting cages.
After putting on a helmet that barely fits and opting for a well-worn metal bat you place the quarters into the slot and position yourself next to the painted-on home plate inside of the cage.
The machine starts to whir and a yellow ball careens your way.
"SMACK"
You just miss the sweet spot, but feel some of your stress get carried away with the ball as it sails into the netting.
"SMACK"
You are angry and the ball is your new enemy.
"SMACK"
To all the people you loved who have left your life unexpectedly, whether by choice or disease.
"SMACK"
To all the job opportunities that fell through, the rejections upon rejections.
"SMACK"
To all the bills and debt that keep piling up around you.
"SMACK"
To the kid who bullied your kid, making him cry.
"SMACK"
To the person you thought was your friend but threw a knife in your back.
"SMACK"
To the all the promises made but never delivered on.
"SMACK"
The anger you feel at yourself for getting in your own way. Why can't I be stronger, more positive, why can't I find peace in my life? What am I doing wrong? Why do I feel so lost? Why am I even here?
"SMACK"
Your body starts to get tired. Your mind starts to clear. The thoughts are less frequent; instead your focus is solely on the ball.
"SMACK"
Wait. Position yourself.
"SMACK"
Pause. Readjust.
"SMACK"
Relax. Elbow up. Eyes out in front.
"SMACK"
As the last ball flies off the bat you take a breath. The machine winds down. You don't feel completely better, but for a moment your mind was quiet and given the gentle reminder to live in the now and focus on what's directly in front of you.
You reach into your pocket for more quarters.