05/31/2010 05:12 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

If You Lose Everything, Perhaps It's Because You Built it From an Inauthentic Place

Most people have lost everything at some point in their lives. "Everything" is different to everyone; it is totally relative. It may be health, wealth, career, relationship, material things, reputation, or so on. I find this to be very pertinent in L.A., where there is pressure to look the best and have all the best things. People rise here quickly, and fall just as quickly, and often times, it is spread in the media for the world to see. No matter how many excuses we make or people we blame, how much we seek understanding through spiritual or religious teachings, how much yoga we do, how much we work out, how much we shop or eat or drink or have sex, how many self-help books we read, or how much therapy we go to, we still just can't get relief. We are still suffering; we still have lost everything, have nothing, and don't understand why.

I am speaking from personal experience, and my hope is that in sharing it, it will help at least one person who is suffering, who can't get out of bed, who can't do anything but lie on the couch; someone who just doesn't understand and can't snap out of it, no matter how hard he or she tries.

At one point not too long ago, I lost what, to me, was everything. I lost the job I had for 5 years, with no notice. I lost my credit because I didn't have money to pay any of my bills. I lost my pride because I had to move in with my mother as a grown woman. I lost a wonderful relationship with a spiritual, loving man because he doesn't ever want to have children, and that is not something I can give up. And I tried to see all of these things as blessings. Tried. Tried. Tried. Some days were better than others, but I fell into a deep depression because I never truly got why it happened.

Until I heard this from a mentor: "If you lose everything, it's because you had built it from your inauthentic self."

Of course! All of those things -- that money, that job, that relationship -- were drawn in by someone I thought I should be. Not by who I truly am. I was not living my truth. I kept that job for 5 years because I not only believed my own doubts, but I also believed all the people who told me that I could never make a living as a holistic healer. That I should settle for a stable job that didn't challenge me, in an environment that didn't honor me, because it would bring me security. I drew in a relationship with a man based on my fears of abandonment, not on my love. I was afraid he would leave so I spent a long time pretending children weren't important to me. I was not living from my truth. I was not living from my authentic self, so it had to all come crashing down. And thank goodness for that. Because who wants to build a life from a place of fear? Not me. You can bet that as soon as I learned this lesson, I became fearless in living from my authentic place, wants, and dreams... andboom, the energy shifted and miracles happened.

I encourage you to look at what you have lost. Who were you when you attained what you eventually lost? Were you living from your authentic truth, or from fear? Because, maybe, you didn't really lose anything.