THE BLOG
06/30/2011 05:34 pm ET Updated Aug 29, 2011

When Things Don't Go the Way We Want Them To

No one likes change. Especially when it is completely unexpected. But when it happens, should we be so quick to run from it? Sometimes our reactivity button gets pushed. We get triggered. We get uncomfortable, and instead of embracing the change in the situation we are in, we try to run away from it all together by jumping ship completely. I have said before that the way we do anything is the way we do everything. And I have to take a look at that, right now, in the realm of work and relationships.

A new manager came in to where I work and completely nullified the working agreement I had made upon my employment. And there is no negotiating on it. My immediate reaction was to get out of there. I let my emotions take over and acted on reactivity, instead of actually just letting go and letting it play out. I made the assumption that because it doesn't look the way that I wanted it to, it won't work. Yet truth be told, I don't really know that yet, do I?

I feel like I have done a similar thing in my past relationship. We entered the relationship on the same page, yet I changed during the course of it, and he did not. I made the assumption that we would just continue to grow and change together. When we didn't, I wanted out of there, assuming that it just couldn't work anymore, without even allowing the space for what could transform out of the situation we were in.

Does this sound familiar to you: we get into a relationship with a certain idea. We start on a certain page. And then as soon as the person acts in a way we don't like or expect, we jump ship. We just leave the relationship and start thinking immediately about what we want in a new relationship. We're still in one relationship while we begin to think about what we want in a new one! It can be the same thing with a job or with literally any kind of situation in your life. You're already out the door before you even open a window to see what wants to flow in.

Maybe instead of reactively running away, we stand still and allow the time and space for the shift to occur. We don't fight the change. We let go and see what comes of it before we make any big decisions based off emotions or reactivity. Maybe this new work situation will work out incredibly for me. Maybe there's something in it that I just didn't see before because I'd been holding on too tight to the fact that there was a change I didn't expect. Maybe the pause in the growth of my old relationship was just there so that he and I could take a next step together, to learn how to support each other and open up to each other in a deeper, more honest way.

Next time things don't go your way, try not to make assumptions that it's a bad thing. Notice when you feel like immediately running. And instead of doing so, stop. Clear the space and be open to the possibility that it may be just what you need... to open your relationship up to a new level of love and intimacy, to learn something about yourself, to challenge or push yourself... or to bring something amazing in that is completely unimaginable to you as of yet.