Have you ever had moments in your life that were so wonderful, so loving, so fulfilling that you never want to forget them -- yet at some point you realize that although those moments were shared with another human being, they may now have reached a point in their lives where they no longer want to hold on to them?
It is their right if they chose to realize they no longer wish to live in the past, and with their memories. Perhaps they believe that these memories intrude and do not allow them to form new memories as powerful and meaningful as these were. I understand that as time goes on and lives progress, moments long gone are indeed long gone. But I believe we should be able to hold those in our hearts and hope someday, somewhere, we can feel that way again with another human being. But if that were not to happen we at least can remember how it felt to feel such love and give such love. I see no reason to diminish how much they meant and gave to us. They had nothing to do with anyone other than us. It was our very own story.
Do I have to give up the pleasure that I still derive from thinking of those moments? Do I have to forget the thrill I felt at simply looking at that person, simply walking arm in arm with that person, or spending an unbelievable and unexpected snowbound weekend in the Hamptons, as well as so many more precious moments? Remembering the night we walked down a darkened street and saw our shadows on the sidewalk and the words he spoke as we looked down at them will always bring a sense of unbelievable warmth to me. I cherished all of those moments.
I take all this with me and whenever something -- it could be a song, a TV show, a movie -- stirs me, it all comes back. I yearn for those moments, yet I am not a fool, they will and can never be repeated. But I chose to hold them in my heart and shall forever. That is my choice. Those moments brought me too much happiness to discard, and I feel so blessed to have had them. To me having given and received such love is such a priceless gift that should be cherished and not saddened by. Not everyone gets such a gift.
There are times when I find myself dining alone in a restaurant when I am hit with a longing so strong that I feel tears welling in my eyes. It's so hard to explain what I am feeling. For a few minutes I so want to be young again and share this with someone I adore, and I know I never shall because I can simply cannot love again. It would never be the same. And then I blink and tell myself what a fool I am, but honestly I am not a fool. I took a chance a long time ago, and I've had what so many people never, never have. So I am blessed and content.
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