05/21/2013 03:43 pm ET Updated Jul 21, 2013

Get Along With My Ex? Are You !@#$-ing Kidding Me?

No, I'm not.

If Brooke Mueller and Denise Richards can get along with Charlie Sheen, anything is possible.

I should know. I've had two contentious, expensive (and, as it turns out, unnecessary) court battles with my ex. If you would have said, even a year ago, "someday you'll have calm, friendly conversations with your ex that have a positive results and end cordially" ...well, I would've told you to put down the crack pipe.

But, with some hard work and a few key action steps, I can now see my ex's name pop up on my caller ID and not have a pit in my stomach or homicidal thoughts. I can even initiate informational texts, to keep him in the loop, because not only is it the right thing to do, it's the nice thing to do.

How did it happen?

  • I decided the anger wasn't worth it. It feels so good to forgive and let go of any negative feelings toward your ex (they don't even have to know!). Remember this: Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
  • I put my daughter's needs first.
  • I asked his forgiveness for anything I had ever done, or anything he thought I had ever done.
  • I forgave him, even though he didn't (hasn't) asked for me to do so. Forgiveness is an internal act anyway ...
  • I acted in good faith, and backed up my words with actions. And still do.

Is it perfect? No. Do I feel like we're in a good place? Yes. I only got there because I decided to get there.

Is it time maybe you decided to get there, too?