Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 3, Episode 5 of ABC Family's "Pretty Little Liars," entitled "That Girl Is Poison."
Everyone's still mourning the end of Haleb -- and Hanna most of all -- but Aria, Spencer and Emily still need to eat ... or so they say. As they take an evening stroll on the scenic sidewalks of Rosewood, they hear a familiar sound: sirens.
A police car and ambulance pull up to Garrett's house and the three-quarters of the Liars see Mrs. Reynolds being rolled out on a stretcher. Aria does the side-eye and she see, as my mom says, "a hoodie watching" with a glowing phone in his/her hand peering at the situation from afar(ish). She tells Emily and Spencer, but by the time they look, A is gone. Why would A want to hurt Garrett's mom, Emily wonders? "Maybe A wanted her out of the house," the super sharp Spencer answers.
The next day, Aria and Ezra are grabbing some baked goods and coffee at (flashback!) Lucky Leons. Aria is treating Ezra to not one, but two sandwiches because she's worried: Je has one lime in his fridge. Ezra doesn't seem to appreciate the gesture and has to go to his interview. But before Aria gets in the car, she sees Lucas, who my mom says is "cra cra" (translation: cray cray), banging on a storefront. He starts screaming, "Please! Just give me back my stuff!" Oof. Bad breakup.
Back at school, where no one is in class of course, Emily see Paige, who exists again. She invites her to go see the Katy Perry movie and Paige is in, but curious as to why Emily is suddenly talking to her again. While Emily makes school excuses, Jenna walks in, sans cane and sans glasses. Emily and Jenna exchange glances. "Oh now she can give dagger eyes," my mom says.
Over at the house of truancy (a.k.a the Marins'), Hanna is hunched over the kitchen island in a grey V-neck. We get it. She's sad. Her mom says she has to go to school and wants her to volunteer at a rummage sale at the church. Well, that should make Hanna feel better. Nevertheless, she obliges and fake-walks out of the house until her mom leaves. "Do they all walk to school," I ask. "Yup--they only drive cars late at night and mostly to the graveyard," my mom says.
Anyway, Hanna's back to the kitchen, texting, sulking and singing the blue-greys.
As for the two Little Liars pseudo-attending Rosewood High ... Emily and Spencer are starring -- or rather, glaring -- at Jenna, wondering what changed in her decision to reveal her sight. Aria texted them to say that she saw Lucas banging on the doors of a photography studio on the same block she and Hanna saw Lucas the night Ali's body went missing. To be honest that doesn't sound like much of a coincidence since there appears to be just one block in Rosewood. Nevertheless, let's continue.
Emily has more important things to worry about -- like calculus -- but Spencer drops a bomb: Garrett's being allowed out of jail to see his mother. Emily's livid, but Spencer thinks A put Garrett's mom in the hospital so he could get out of jail and they could meet up and ... in the middle of Spencer's complicated explanation, Jenna approaches with envelopes.
Spencer presumes it's anthrax, but no such luck. It's an invite to Jenna's "It's My Birthday/I Can See" soiree! Before anyone gets excited, Spencer wants Jenna to cut the shit. She thought they had a deal, but Jenna says she wants to be in control of what happens to her. Apparently, there's a new deal. She's got quite the attitude, and, as my mom notes, "Jenna can work her brows now too."
School's suddenly over and Emily's at work at The Brew (formerly known as the nameless hip Season 3 coffee shop), where Jenna's sitting nearby. Emily's boss asks her to work during Jenna's party and unfortunately, she really has no opportunity to say, "No." Based on his scarf, her boss is a wannabe hipster and based on everything else, he's a giant douchebag.
Emily approaches Jenna, who's sitting at The Brew. "Jenna's new eyes are pretty," my mom says. She is sitting beside a woman wearing an undone button-down shirt, a blazer and a backwards newsboy cap, sort of keeping her messy curls in place. Turns out the woman is a photographer named Laurel who will be capturing Jenna's upcoming party. She's a very, very sad excuse for Rosewood's Annie Leibovitz. As Emily walks away, she overhears that Laurel has just fired her assistant. Apparently, he was developing his own photos and he demanded she return his negatives when she found out. Wait a minute. That sounds a lot like ...
Suddenly, Nate, who apparently didn't hate Hollis all that much, appears. He is furious about Garrett's release. Emily tries to talk him down, but she has coffees to pour and neckerchief-sporting assholes to obey.
Aria is at Spencer's when she gets a text from Ezra. He got an invite to Jenna's "It's My Birthday/I Can See" bash as well. And so did Nate, who Jenna hits on back on The Brew.
Back at Emily's, Paige has come over after work and Emily is trying on her uniform for Jenna's. It's a white button down with a clip-on tie. Paige tries to help her and things start to get tense. As they ironically go searching for a tie that's easier to wear than a clip-on, Paige finds Em's flask from The Night That Shan't Be Remembered. Emily offers it to her and I'm kind of sick of watching Emily struggle in yet another quasi-relationship. My mom disagrees. "I'm really glad they brought back Paige for Emily," she says. "I didn't like her with the swimming thing, but she doesn't bother me as much now." Personally, I'm still mad the actress tried to ruin "10 Things I Hate About You," but whatever.
Hanna shows up to Spencer's in her sweats much to Spencer and Aria's disgust. "Come on! Don't these girls ever wear sweats??? They are way too fancy schmancy--I mean they live in Rosewood," my mom laments. Clearly, she is unaware that Rosewood is the schmanciest town in all the land. Back to Spencer, Aria and Hanna who are discussing what Emily overheard from the photographer. They think Lucas' trying to hide photos of Alison's grave and Aria is determined to get to the bottom of this ... by going to Jenna's party.
"If they don't show Jenna's parents at her 'Now I Can See' birthday party, I'm going to be pissed," my mom says, a frequent complaint of hers.
The next day, Hanna's helping out at church and her mom is flirting with Ted, the volunteer coordinator.
Over at the house that statutory rape built, Ezra thinks they're going to dinner while Aria insists they stop by Jenna's party. Not only does Ezra agree to go to a party with his former students, but he has a gift for Aria on top of it: a vintage camera. They kiss. I vomit. My mom swoons. Moving on.
Spencer's at the hospital watching Garrett's every move while she's on the phone with Emily, replaying said every move. She stares as he picks out some "hideous" and "tacky" flowers and notices that he writes a note, which she assumes holds a cryptic message. As she turns around, she bumps into Officer Wilden, who could really use a cough drop.
Over at Jenna's apparently crazy hat-themed party, Emily and Paige are semi-flirting when Nate walks in. Paige walks away, spiking her drink with whatever remained in Emily's flask while Nate and Emily have an awkward conversation about Jenna.
Ezria awkwardly walk into the party and Jenna sizes them up. Aria ditches Ezra and guns it for Laurel, weaseling her way into the photographer's good graces and trying to find her way back to the studio to grab Garrett's negatives. She heads to the kitchen, where Emily and Paige are now semi-fighting over Nate, and purposefully ruins Laurel's equipment.
Paige is still knocking them back at Jenna's and now she's digging into the cupcakes. "Underage drinking? Maybe Jenna's non existent parents will get arrested," my mom hopes. When Jenna stages an mini-intervention, Emily tries to save face for Paige, who winds up falling over and banging her head, which a) reveals that she is wearing leather pants and b) landing her in the hospital.
Back at the church, Hanna finds a jacket and stuffs it into her bag. Turns out it's the one Emily was wearing The Night That Shan't Be Remembered. Hanna shows up at the hospital, jacket in hand, to meet Emily, who's there with Nate. She sends him (quite bossily) to get them coffee so Emily and Hanna can talk about how the jacket could have gotten to the church. Hanna jets just as Nate returns.
Back at Jenna's party, Ezra calls out Aria for being MIA and says he got a job (news he was hoping to tell her at their dinner reservations they're now extremely late for). As they kiss -- again, I'm ill -- Laurel then finds her ruined memory card and Aria conveniently offers to go to her studio and pick up some more. Of course, at the studio, she finds Lucas' bag and grabs his negatives. As she exits, Lucas appears and stands in her way. He demands she let him in and just as things get scary, Ezra drives up and comes to her rescue, leading Lucas runs away. "He's her knight in shining armor," No. 1 Ezria shipper, my mom, says. "Come on ... don't you like them now?" No. The answer is no.
Spencer shows up a the hospital to meet Emily and shortly after, so does Garrett. Nate goes after him and tries to throw a punch, conveniently creating a diversion and allowing Spencer to sneak up to Garrett's mom's room. After she's in, Spencer heads for the card, which scandalously reads: "Mom- You never gave up on me; I won't give up on you. Love, Garrett."
Bummer. But wait! There appears to be a note under Garrett's mom's hospital bracelet. Spencer tip-toes over to the woman in a coma and grabs the paper, which says: "April Rose has the proof."
On another floor of the hospital, Paige is finally out of the ER and Emily is there to greet her. "I guess Paige has no parents either," my mom says. Paige tells Emily that it wasn't the alcohol that led to her fall -- it was Milizopan, which I don't know how to spell, but I presume is not a real drug because my Google search yielded nothing, unlike Emily's (more on that later). Emily figures out the drug must have been in her flask and caused her to black out on The Night That Shan't Be Remembered too.
Aria is back at Ezra's and starts looking through Lucas' negative canisters while she's on the phone with Emily who's back home, searching online to find out more about MZM. Apparently, it's a heavy sedative for people with sleeping problems and, when mixed with alcohol, it causes ... memory loss. While they try to figure out who effed with Em, Aria's jaw drops and she asks Emily what the pills look like. Why, Emily wonders? "Because I'm holding three of them in my hand," Aria replies. Oh Lucas. You should have just stayed in that lake.
As the credits role, we see A's particularly dainty-looking hands this week rummaging through a purse. The last thing the gloved mitts grab? A pill bottle with a prescription for Maya St. Germain.
Quotes of the Night (most of which go to Spencer):
"I haven't been able to brush the back of my head in like a year and a half." -Spencer
"Do you have plans tomorrow?" -Ashley
"Yeah. I'm going to listen to every sad song I've ever downloaded on repeat." -Hanna
"She's been gliding around school all day like a Thanksgiving float." -Spencer
"He's your boyfriend, Aria. He's not a baby squirrel ... Every time you baby squirrel Ezra, you're taking away his nuts." -Spencer
"Because, Spencer, I'm too depressed to work a zipper. Get over it." -Hanna