THE BLOG
01/13/2009 01:59 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Follow-Ups to Barack Obama's "Dignity" Ad

Barack Obama rolled out his new ad yesterday targeting the working class in 18 states--many of which went to Bush in 2004...

SCRIPT - "Dignity"
Obama: I'm Barack Obama, and I approve this message.
Announcer: He worked his way through college and Harvard Law. Turned down big money offers, and helped lift neighborhoods stung by job loss. Fought for workers' rights. He passed a law to move people from welfare to work, slashed the rolls by eighty percent. Passed tax cuts for workers; health care for kids. As president, he'll end tax breaks for companies that export jobs, reward those that create jobs in America. And never forget the dignity that comes from work.

"Never forget." Slick. We won't.

With four months to go, Obama hopes to target more voting blocs with specific on-message ads. I managed to uncover some of the upcoming scripts from the Obama campaign. Check them out...

SCRIPT - "Shredder"
Obama: I'm Barack Obama, and I approve this message.
Announcer: Sometimes, Obama just gets the itch. The itch for thrill. The itch for adventure. The itch to...
CUT TO: [Obama ripping a 720 off a half-pipe, grabbing a pack of Go-gurt in mid-air. He lands].
Obama: Shred.
Announcer: He can kickflip and pop-shove-it, and he won't stop there. As president, he'll skate all over Pakistan's face and ollie into the future, providing America with massive ethanol subsidies. And massive grinding. Never forget the SHREDDING that comes from THRASHING.
CUT TO: [Barack Obama kickflipping his skateboard into George Bush's face. A half pipe explodes and the flames spell out "Obama '08"]

SCRIPT - "Goy"
Obama: I'm Barack Obama, and I approve this message.
Announcer: He only goes to one dentist. He's only got one lawyer. And he always sends back his borscht if he thinks it's too cold.
Obama: [holding hands with a Rabbi while lighting a menorah and wearing a shirt that says "Won't Jew vote for me?"] I am a real mensch. And I'm not Muslim.
Announcer: Barack Obama is not Muslim.
Obama: [dipping a latke in applesauce] Nope.
Announcer: Ok?
Obama: [picking up pennies off a sidewalk] Ok?
Announcer: Come on, stop kvetching. Vote Obama. And call your mother.
Obama: Oy vey!

SCRIPT - "Fantasies"
Announcer: Barack Obama thinks dragons are real.
Obama: [in a cape with fangs] And also Vampires. [fire shoots out of his eyes and mouth and he flies away]
Announcer: Where are you going, Barack?
Obama: [flying on a dragon] To rid the world of mortals. Free dragon rides for all!
Announcer: Man, you should vote for Obama.
Obama: [sucking blood out of Michelle Obama's neck. He is also now a Centaur]. I'm Barack Obama, and I approve this message.
Michelle Obama: Help...