08/27/2013 11:12 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Imagine No Possessions? Really, John Lennon, Can We Rethink This?


Hey, listen, I'm all for the enduring message of peace and harmony in the world that John Lennon sings about in "Imagine." I can totally get behind the idea of there being no countries and nothing to kill or die for and even that there's no heaven and hell. And yes, of course, I want to imagine all the people living life in peace.

But no possessions? Let's rethink this.

First of all, you are going to have to pry the smart phone from my cold, dead hands, I can tell you that. If Lennon was alive today, maybe he could try opening his song with the phrase "imagine there's no texting." I doubt very much that sentiment would have rocketed his song to number one worldwide! Plus, what about the convenience of being able to settle arguments on the spot, using your Internet-enabled handheld device? Do you want to live in a world wherein when someone wonders aloud who played the bully in Back to the Future, you will be unable to Google it and supply that information in the blink of an eye? (It was Thomas F. Wilson, by the way.)

I guess we're all supposed to give up our flat screen TVs, too, and go scouring the Internet for MP3s of old radio shows. Oh, wait, we can't scour the Internet for anything, because, I forgot, we've given up all our possessions! Hence, no Breaking Bad. I hope you are starting to see the exponential suckiness of this goofy "imagine no possessions" idea.

While we're at it, let's get rid of the microwave. Who needs to eat, after all? And we can't forget our cars. I mean, if this hippie idea catches on, we'll live on a planet with less dependence on natural resources, and go back to those horrific pre-increased mobility days, when the family unit wasn't as splintered and life was more community based. Yuck.

If you really take this idea to the extreme, you end up with subsistence-based economies where everybody barters for the valuable goods and services they need and nobody goes hungry. I ask you, is that lunacy worth giving up the awesome photo you can post to Facebook with a 41 megapixel phone camera?

So, anyway, all due respect to John Lennon, but I'm cool with my possessions, thanks.

James Napoli is an author and humorist. More of his comedy content for the Web can be found here.