12/27/2012 11:06 am ET Updated Feb 26, 2013

God's Top Ten New Year's Resolutions for 2013

Hi, everyone, it's me, God. Hey, I'm just like anyone else. I feel the need to take stock of things as we bid farewell to the year just passed and usher in the year ahead. I hope you will find some inspiration in knowing that I have issues, the same as all of you, and that I, too, resolve to make some changes and take up some self-improvement over the next 365 days. Which of these resolutions I break remains to be seen, but if you came up with ten, what do you think your success rate would be? Have a wonderful year, my people!

James Napoli is an author and humorist. More of his comedy content for the Web can be found here.