11/20/2014 09:28 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

We're All in This Together. Except for the Jerks Who Don't Like the Same Movies As You.


Every so often, I am struck with the sheer power of our interconnectedness as human beings. No matter our colors, our creeds, or where we are located on the planet, we all share a kinship simply because we walk the same Earth and breathe the same air. When you come right down to it, we are all the same, and we are all in this together.

Except for the jerks who don't like the same movies as you.

I mean, it's great that we all possess a hidden wellspring of compassion that allows us to extend a hand to a stranger in trouble, but I don't know what I'd do if I found out the person to whom I was about to extend a kindness actually admitted to liking Jack Reacher.

There is no doubt that by virtue of the blood flowing through our veins and our capacity to experience love, we humans share a moral obligation to put aside our differences and create a better world. But how am I supposed to create a better world with some moron who can get behind We're the Millers?

Isn't it incredible that there is so much unrest around the globe? It's too bad that people don't realize they are fighting and killing each other over nothing more than an idea of something, a mental concept about whose opinion is the right one. Wait, you liked The Vow? I don't think I can find any common ground with a brain-dead sentimentalist like you.

Maybe while killing time in a hotel room with free HBO; maybe under that circumstance I could forgive you for seeing Horrible Bosses 2, but spending money on that execrable offal? Listen, pal, don't expect to get a hug of solidarity from me when we're both in the temporary shelter after a natural disaster. And lady, I suppose if there's no one else around to deliver your baby in the elevator, I wouldn't step in front of another precious life entering this world, but if I find out you watched A Million Ways to Die in the West while that kid was in your womb, I will not consider it a life-altering experience.

At this time of year, it's rather uplifting to contemplate all the things that link the human race together as a caring, unselfish species. Unfortunately, NCIS: New Orleans is not one of them. Yes, I know, that's a television show. But somebody had to leave the door open for more ways to exclude the undeserving.

More of James Napoli's comedy content for the Web can be found here.