I had a dream last night. It involved lots of people and activity and I only remember the end. I am handcuffed (watching too many cop shows perhaps) with another person. Actually, our arms are wrapped around ourselves. Striking image. Stifling. Stuck. And the reason for the handcuffs and wrapping had to do with something we had done. Past tense. Not doing, but had done.
I wondered what it meant. Literally? I am handcuffed to the past. I am holding onto the past. Am wrapped up in the past. Thoughts and words continued to flood in. That the past is tying me down. Tying me up. Tying me to what was no longer.
But what do I do with this dream? And now these thoughts? What part of the past is dragging me down? What part of the past can I let go of?
I release the thoughts and proceed with my day. Early in the afternoon, I decide to tackle "a box." Acknowledging my "one box in a day" rule. There are a stack of them in the closet and I have not been able to open the door of the closet since I put the boxes in there last Fall. But today I can, and take one out. It is filled with printed samples of our work. Robert and my marketing company's efforts. Brochures, direct mail (when the printed piece mattered), ads, letterheads, annual reports.
Look at them and realize this is the past. It is not what I do now. It is the foundation of what I do, but the pieces have no current value other than to acknowledge they represent what we did. For years. For clients and businesses that no longer exist.
Interestingly, our town has just switched recycling methods and on Friday, a huge wheeled container was left at the curb. "One stream" recycling. I threw the print samples from that "one box" into the new container. And I felt a bit lighter.
That was not too hard, so I wonder about doing another "box." More of the same. I ask myself if I am willing to keep going... until what? I hit the wall, hit a trigger, hit a particular memory? And the answer is yes. Thought of the dream fragment and feel that this is a part of our past that I am finally ready to let go. And I work my way through nine boxes. Filling the new recycling container more than half way.
And I am still standing. And I have nine empty boxes.