As someone who has experienced a lifetime of mysterious symptoms, hundreds of health care professionals have crossed my path.
The one thing that's become glaringly obvious, especially at this stage in my recovery, is that there is a keen difference between being touched by the hands of a healer vs. a skilled technician.
At first, I didn't notice the difference between them.
They all held degrees from the top schools, had multiple books and papers published to their name, they worked with the most advanced technology, and they made all the "Top 10 Best" lists. Even though most visits were accompanied by a heavy dose of fear, that just became a normal part of the experience.
I always made sure to be a "good patient." I followed through with all recommendations without hesitation, I stayed in touch with any problems, and I kept showing up.
The problem here is that I showed up, just not for me.
I was showing up for them.
I listened to their words as gospel and believed all their opinions. But, where the hell was I in all of this?
I had a strong sense of panic with each new specialist, and yet I never listened to it. There were multiple procedures gone wrong, and yet, I kept signing up for treatments. It seems like I heard, "We've never seen anyone react that way before, I guess we know that for next time," a thousand times before the age of 25.
So, why did I keep going back for more?
Because I was starving for answers. And I believed that one of these doctors would have them and suddenly everything would make sense.
The trouble with looking for answers outside of ourselves is that we create and perpetuate a state of powerlessness. We give away our hope and faith to those we believe will care for us.
For me, that changed three years ago when I realized that none of these well-intentioned doctors provided the care I actually needed.
Only I could do that.
So, I became a truth addict, seeking knowledge every spare moment I could get. I looked to online medical communities and journals, books, documentaries, TED talks, and basically anything to help me understand the human body.
All this new research provided me with the one thing I had been lacking for so long: confidence.
I started trusting my own intuition and questioning everything I was told to believe.
While I still needed support for my health care, I no longer signed up with just anyone out of desperation.
I carefully chose a team of healers based on the following criteria:
Then I asked myself some questions:
- How do they make me feel in their presence?
- Are they willing to admit when they don't know something?
- How willing are they to co-create a treatment plan with my input?
- Do I feel heard?
- How do I feel when they touch me?
- How do I feel after the appointment?
- How available are they?
Once I started working with individuals that fit my new criteria, I began to heal.
This is how I learned the difference between the skilled practitioners I used to see vs. the gentle hands that support me now.
Each and every doctor/therapist I saw may have received a tremendous amount of skill through their education, but not all of them had that innate ability to connect those skills with their hearts. And, it is my personal belief that if we, as well as the doctors we trust, do not connect with our hearts, complete healing cannot take place.
I'm beyond grateful to finally be in touch with the inner guidance my heart provides and the beautiful healers who support me through doing the same.
Jamie Rautenberg is a holistic life coach & Licensed Clinical Social Worker. After a lifetime of medical misdiagnoses, she discovered that she was living with late-stage neurological Lyme Disease in March 2013. While receiving intense daily IV infusions, Jamie reframed her healing experience by creating TheDailyInfusion.com, a wellness blog where people can learn how to reclaim their lives through chronic illness & pain. Her passion is to empower others wherever they may be along their path through virtual private coaching sessions.