Sanjay Gupta Withdraws; Who Should Replace Him?

CNN's medical correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta has withdrawn his name from consideration to be Surgeon General of the United States. Here are some people President Obama might consider instead:

1) OPRAH. She could run anything and she's been listening to health experts for years.

2) BARBARA BUSH. The former First Lady really knows about heart surgery. (She just finished a 2 ½ hour aortic valve operation.) Plus she is rabidly anti-smoking. (She was seen kicking former Secretary of State Lawrence Eagleburger under the table when he started lighting up at a fundraiser.)

3) MICHAEL JACKSON. Yesterday he announced that he will be performing his last 10 concerts ever this summer. So he'll be available starting in the fall.

4) BRITNEY SPEARS. The singer is an expert in rehab.

5) LINDSAY LOHAN (See reason above).

6) KATHERINE HEIGL (Izzie) or T.R. KNIGHT (George). Both of these TV surgeons are reported to be leaving Grey's Anatomy.

7) CHANDRA WILSON. As Dr. Miranda Bailey on Grey's Anatomy, she runs a damn fine surgical residents' program at Seattle Grace Hospital.

8) DEV PATEL. The actor from Slumdog Millionaire is Indian, too. Well, it's a start.