11/17/2014 06:03 pm ET Updated Jan 17, 2015

My First Vibrator

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Twelve years ago, after I got divorced, a close friend gave me a vibrator and told me to go home and use it.

I was almost 40 years old. And I had never seen one up close before.

It was one of those lipstick vibes. Small, but powerful. It felt odd to use it that first time. I can still remember my hesitancy. I waited until my kids had gone to their father's house for the night, double-checked that all of the doors were locked and headed upstairs to my bedroom.

It felt good. Like wow good. I couldn't remember the last time I had had an orgasm. In the year or so leading up to my divorce, my sexuality had gone into hibernation mode. Too much stress and angst caused by my slowly disintegrating marriage.

It took a long time for me to really feel comfortable in my own skin again. But slowly arousing my sexuality, with the help of a vibrator, was just what I needed. I didn't have to worry about safe sex or feeling awkward about being with someone new after having been with my ex for the last 10 years.

I've since remarried and expanded my vibrator collection. Not because I don't celebrate my sexuality with my husband, but because I do. I use toys both with him and without. Like most couples our age, we lead lives that are full of work and kids and other commitments. Many nights, we go to bed at different times. Celebrating my sexuality without him only enhances the times that we are intimate.

You don't need to get divorced to rediscover your sexuality. You just need to have an open mind and be willing to start getting in touch with a part of you that may have been taking a long nap. Because it's there. And now is the time to wake it up.

If you're worried about running in to one of your kid's teachers at your local adult toy store, order online. You won't have to sacrifice your anonymity.

And once a month, I'll be sharing some of my favorite sex toys over at MiddleSexy. Check out what I have to say about the We-Vibe III.

What are your favorite sex toys?

This post originally appeared on MiddleSexy.