I recently wrote a piece about how embarrassing we become as our kids get older (even though we're clearly awesome) and it dawned on me that our kids sometimes embarrass us even more. My children, over the years, have blurted out some very personal secrets to teachers, doctors, the person who gives you shoes at the bowling alley... and I'm sure they shared these juicy tidbits with other people's parents as well.
The first time I recall being outed by one of my children was when my son J was about 3. While in the checkout line at the grocery store, he looked at the cashier and nonchalantly said, "My mommy walks around naked." As if it made perfect sense in the context of buying juice boxes.
"Um, that's nice," she replied as I handed him a peppermint patty to start chewing on.
I've also been privy to other people's juicy secrets -- unsolicited, mind you. (It's not like I drill little children who innocently come over to play or hook them to lie detectors, while I ply them with cookies to see if their mom had any work done... this sharing is done freely.)
Here are some of those secrets (and the reason we shouldn't let our little ones leave the house)...
1. Said to me as I pulled up to the window of a drive-thru and asked what they'd like to eat: "My mom doesn't let me eat fast food, she says people who eat it are slobs."
2. Said while out to dinner with friends and their kids: "My dad only has one testicle."
3. Said as I handed my daughter Ry's then-nursery school teacher her report about our weekend with the class's Clifford the Big Red Dog: "My mom made the whole thing up, Clifford was in our trunk all weekend."
4. Said to the cable guy who was calling to say he would be at my house within the hour: "My mom can't come to the phone right now, she's making a poop."
5. Said to my 11-year-old son J, at a sleepover: "I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but my dad let me see Hot Tub Time Machine."
6. A friend's son explained to us, "My younger brother was a miracle. My dad has slow swimming sperm."
7. A friend told me that my son J said this while swimming at her house: "My mom says it's OK to pee in the pool if you REALLY have to go bad." (I plead the Fifth.)
8. Said by a little boy who was at my house for a playdate: "My mom has a penis." (I'm guessing this one wasn't true, but the child certainly thought so.)
9. One of Ry's friends told me this: "My mom had this laser done to her face and it looked sooo gross. She told me not to tell, but it was to remove hair. She didn't want anyone to know."
10. Overheard during a game of house: "Ry, you be the baby, like the one my mommy has in her belly ... oops, don't tell anyone."
11. Confessed to me by Ry: "I told Lily we couldn't have sleepovers anymore because you said she's annoying."
Yep, these are the types of things my sweet little imps (and yours) have volunteered during carpools, sleepovers and playdates. Be careful what you tell them and who you let them talk to.
Got any to add?