03/19/2013 02:59 pm ET Updated May 19, 2013

The Bergoglio Imbroglio

In the room the cardinals come and go
Watched by Michelangelo.
Preceding Bergoglio:
Simplicius and Symmachus
Pelagius, Sisinnius
Liberius, Hilarius.

(That's not a joke.) Gelasius.
(Or Saint Pistachio.)

Five of them were Sixtuses
Six of them were Pauls
Sixteen Benedictuses
Hid secrets in these walls.

A lot of them were Innocent
Of what, they didn't say.
And quite a few were Pius.
They'd close their eyes and pray.

For on this Rock He built his Church
To stand against upheaval
A fortress safe upon its perch
For Rocks can see no evil.

And when a Pope at last departs
A new one rearranges
The Sistine Chapel's seating charts
But nothing ever changes.