From what I have learned, being engaged is a beautiful time in your life. A time when you and your fiancￃﾩ grow together as a couple, and face important decisions that may affect your future together. In addition to these life-altering decisions, you also make many seemingly important decisions when it comes to your wedding. Besides me, three of my friends have gotten engaged since January. After talking with them, other friends and family members who have already tied the knot, and thinking of my own journey down this path, I have thought of the eight sentences that others and myself heard during our engagements, and wish we never had.
1. What was the date of your bridal shower/bachelorette party again?
This one is merely a pet peeve, but still valid enough to be mentioned. The bride is insanely anxious the last weeks of her engagement, and asking when one of her parties is adds to her stress. It makes her worried that you might not be attending after you've already RSVP'd "yes", or you will probably end up being late. Or worst of all, it might make her think you don't care. It might seem a little over the top, but wedding stress can make a basket-case out of even the best of us. My advice? Ask a bridesmaid or a family member when the event is. Or if you're really in a pinch, ask the groom. Just don't ask the bride.
2. Are you sure you want to wear/have/do that at your wedding?
Maybe the bride-to-be is an uber traditionalist. Maybe she spent the better part of the twelfth grade daydreaming about walking down a long, candle lit aisle in St. Paul's Chapel, in a ball gown worthy of a celebrity at the Oscars. Perhaps her dream reception is at The Plaza Hotel, with a live band playing the classics, with 300 of her closest friends by her side. Or maybe the bride-to-be is enchanted by the great outdoors. Her dream wedding would be in the woods, or in her family's backyard, with a guest list consisting of 50 people. Her father gives a roaring speech, and the bridal party toasts him with Mason Jars. Well, whoever your bride is and whatever she wants, don't give her a hard time about it. Oh, and when she tells you about the knee length wedding dress and studded cowboy boots she just picked up, just smile and tell her how gorgeous she will look.
3. Where are you going on your honeymoon? Oh, well we went to X, and it was amazing. You should go there instead.
Sure, you went to Paris/Hawaii/Dubai on your Honeymoon, and it was a dream come true for you. Keep in mind that there are many factors that come into play when a couple chooses their honeymoon destination. Whether it be financial, or maybe just wanting to stay a little closer to home, don't make a couple feel like they made the wrong choice because it's not somewhere you would pick.
4. I can't believe you're paying so much for your florist/photographer/band! You should have told me, I would have given you the number of the people I used.
This will make your bride think, "Ok, where was this magical vendor seven months ago when I put my first deposit down?" Or maybe, "Are we getting ripped off?". The thing is, different vendors charge different prices. City prices are usually more than rural, and so on. Even if you think your friend, or family member, is getting ripped off, don't bring it up to her four weeks before her wedding when she's locked into her contract and probably very happy with her choice at this point.
5. Are you going to try to have children right away?
No explanation needed.
6. What's on the menu for the wedding?
Unless you are a vegetarian, or have food allergies, it's not appropriate to ask this question. If you're asking out of curiosity, or just to make conversation, then sure, fire away. But if your intentions are to make the bride feel bad because she didn't choose a "low carb" option for a second cousin who she hasn't seen in four years, this probably isn't the time.
7. Did you start your wedding diet?
Once again, no explanation needed.
8. Are you nervous?
Whether or not the bride seems nervous, you really shouldn't bring this up. It could be implied that she should be nervous about her wedding, and shake any confidence she may have. Also, don't confuse nerves with stress. A bride may seem extremely distressed three weeks before her wedding, but on the day-of she could be floating on air. You never know if one of her bridesmaids backed out, or if she hasn't been able to come up with enough money to fully pay off the band. Or worse, if she doesn't feel nervous, she might start to become worried that she isn't and become stressed over whether or not she is making the right choice.