05/30/2007 06:29 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Mitt Romney: I'm Not Anti-Gay, I Just Play One on TV

Mitt Romney, that used car salesman presidential candidate, has come up
with a new whopper to convince us to buy his Edsel: "I am not

He said, "What you look for in a leader is someone who will welcome and
treat with respect people who made different choices and have different
beliefs in their lives and have differences. I have nothing but respect
and feelings of tolerance for people with differences from myself and
feel that way with regards to those who are gay...I oppose
discrimination against gay people. I am not anti-gay. I know there are
some Republicans, or some people in the country who are looking for
someone who is anti-gay and that's not me."

Hmm. Looks to me like he saw that opposing any type of legal
recognitions for gay couples would help him win over the social
conservatives he so desperately needs, so he did it. He had no problem
with equality for gays when running for governor in a pro-gay state.
Now that he's in the big leagues, he seems to want to do anything to
win over the right-wingers. Maybe he could imprison a Muslim in his

According to the AP, "He noted that one of his Cabinet members was gay
and that he appointed gays to positions of responsibility in his
administration..." Whenever anyone uses the "some of my best friends are"
argument, step out of the way of the flying horse manure.

"He said he is opposed to gay marriage because it's not in the best
interest of children."

OK, I double dare Mitt to walk into Dick Cheney's office and tell him
that he thinks Mary and Heather shouldn't raise little Sam because it's
not in the kid's best interest, as well that he has no problem with the
fact that Heather has no parental rights whatsoever in the state of
Virginia. Would Cheney be able to hiss "Go fuck yourself" to a Mormon?

Those who want to have it both ways say something like, "I like you gay
people. You're my friends. You do my wife's hair, you give great
parties, and you have a real flair with pillows and fabrics. Go ahead
and live your lives and do whatever god-forsaken things you do behind
closed doors and go to your all night dance parties and give millions
to the travel industry. But if you ask for any equality, forget it."

Romney is doing everything he can to present himself as the winner of
the swimsuit and evening gown competition and even Miss Congeniality.
He shows pictures of his younger mug looking every inch the Teen Beat
cover boy. He parades his perfect sons -- Scooter, Biff, Abercrombie,
Fitch and the Beaver -- as the perfect American family, along with his
perfect wife, perfect marriage and perfect bank account. He understands
that Americans only want an image, and that his family has it all over
the philandering ex-president, Giuliani's revolving door marriages and
the drunken Bush twins. Americans want a First Family that looks great
on a souvenir dinner plate.

As far as "some Republicans, or some people in the country who are
looking for someone who is anti-gay and that's not me," well, he's done
a pretty great imitation of one so far. He did everything to prevent
the legalization of gay marriage in Massachusetts but chain himself to
the statehouse door. He has said that we need the anti-gay Federal
Marriage Amendment, a dead issue in Congress, so many times you would
think it's a Chatty Cathy recording. Now he swivels around and says
he's not anti-gay?

If you buy that, I have a great Corvair to sell you. Counting this
guy's flip-flops is like counting bourbon stains on Lindsay Lohan's