01/17/2013 12:14 pm ET Updated Mar 19, 2013

Lance Armstrong Apology -- Spin Cycle

Spin n: A distinctive interpretation (especially as used by politicians to sway public opinion); "the campaign put a favorable spin on the story." [also: {spun}, {spinning}]

Spin v: Twist and turn so as to give an intended interpretation; "The President's spokesmen had to spin the story to make it less embarrassing."

Cycle n: A wheeled vehicle that has two wheels and is moved by foot pedals. [syn: {bicycle}, {bike}, {wheel}]

Cycle v: Riding a bicycle. [syn: {bicycle}, {bike}, {pedal}, {wheel}]

It seems Lance Armstrong has found a way to combine his two favorite activities in a two-part extravaganza sit down interview with Oprah Winfrey. Spinning and cycling.

For more than a decade he was the god of cycling. He was its most famous and most successful champion. Or so we were led to believe. Because it was never really just Lance on that bicycle after all. It was Lance, enhanced. Some said they knew it all along. Many of us suspected it for years. Few wanted to believe it was all a sham. But it was.

Lance Armstrong has finally admitted he lied. And cheated. And doped. And duped everyone from the public to his sponsors, and more. He made a mockery of revered events and robbed rightful winners their place in sports history. He built an estimated net worth of $125 million on his decade-long scheme of deceit. But the success wasn't for Lance alone, right? After all, look at all the good he did for others.

He also founded Livestrong, a foundation which reportedly has raised nearly $500 million for cancer survivorship. Its founder, of course, is its most famous survivor who went on to claim victory in seven tour de France's after surviving testicular cancer. (Ironically, there is now speculation that Armstrong's disgraceful methods may have contributed to or even caused his cancer) 80 million people paid $1 each to wear the Livestrong bracelet which is now as much a badge of shame as it is a symbol of hope.

Lance -- I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but your apologies may (and should) fall on deaf ears. You let us down through a calculated and well- orchestrated scheme of deception. You hurt countless people along the way. You lashed out at detractors (even successfully bringing libel and slander lawsuits) all in an effort to protect the one thing you appeared to covet most -- your image. Saying you are sorry now that the sham has been exposed and documented and admitted, simply isn't enough. At least it's not enough or me.

I think the best way to watch your two night mea culpa would be to climb on my stationary bike, start peddling and set the television to OWN. Of course, I'll be sure to record it for future workouts. Commence spin cycle.