In the spirit of full disclosure, I don't have a significant personal ex. Eileen and I have been together forever. Trust me when I say I am proud to say I am a one woman gal.
So Hillary is as close to an ex as I plan to have.
Just before the New Jersey primary, I left Hillary for Barack. At first, I felt like I was cheating on her. I was emotionally connected to her candidacy, her intelligence, her perseverance. As time went on, I began to listen more closely to Obama and became increasingly convinced that he might just be the real deal. He might just be able to restore optimism and hope and good will about America around the world. He might just have a better shot at beating McCain.
And so I cast my vote for Obama and in so doing, I left Hillary.
Since then, I've committed myself to Obama. I'm fundraising for his campaign and throwing my two cents in around gay and lesbian policy issues. I've thrown myself into my new relationship. And I've not thought too much about my ex.
But the headlines tell me that Hillary is likely to bow out tomorrow evening. Her peeps are all heading to NY. It looks like we'll all be leaving her.
And while I am beyond ecstatic about having Senator Obama as our nominee, I find myself feeling really terrible about Hillary.
It's not that she wasn't close. It would have been hard to be closer. It's not that she isn't smart. She's downright brilliant. It's not that she doesn't work hard. This campaign seemed to give her energy. She might have done a few things wrong but not that many. It wasn't about what she did wrong. It's about what he did right. And about who he is that she is not.
I guess it's that simple.
I have no doubt that Obama will give the speech of his life tomorrow night. I bet I will cry thinking about the magnitude of the moment and the promise it represents.
I will cry during her speech too. I'm actually dreading it. I think it will be heartbreaking. It will remind me that I left her.
And, against every rational thought I have, it will want me to see Obama pick her as his VP.