As if there weren't enough fad diets, diet pills and celebrity-endorsed liquid diets already out there, a new crop of ridiculous diet aids have found their way onto the market. This crap does nothing but waste people's money, leave them unsatisfied, and perpetuate the nasty, viscous dieting cycle. We have been so thrilled that How to Eat Like a Hot Chick has been helping women let go of their insecurities and start enjoying food again, and so we are disheartened to see these outrageous new weight loss products creep onto store shelves with their absurd, unfounded promises and high price tags. Here are a few of the craziest ones we've noticed and why we want you to stay far away from them.
1. Diet Gum and Diet Sucking Candies
This nonsense is everywhere now - lollipops and suckers and chewing gum enhanced with appetite suppressants and/or metabolism-boosting caffeine. We suppose that if you're stranded on a mountain with no food, a piece of diet gum might take the edge off, but we see no reason to chew or suck on this crap in regular life. We went ahead and tried one of these bad boys before writing about it, and our diet candy made us nauseous after about 45 seconds and left a strange taste in our mouth for the rest of the night. It was completely effective - for a few hours there we were too grossed out and queasy to be hungry. Sadly, the package told us to eat eight of them a day. Eight nasty, nausea-inducing candies and we'll be skinny? Please.
2. Skinny Water
This stuff has the same concept as the candies - they're now adding that appetite-suppressing, metabolism-boosting nastiness to lovely, refreshing water. Water is perfect as it is, and the craziest part is that water is a diet aid in its natural form! Drinking regular, plain water flushes out your body, keeps your metabolism running smoothly and curbs your appetite better than a bunch of chemicals. The only thing these added ingredients do is drain your wallet and fuel your "food issues."
3. Diet Coke Plus
We are so amazed by the ballsiness of this move that we're almost impressed - Diet Coke went ahead and added vitamins B6, B12, zinc and magnesium to their secret recipe. Problem is, it contains just as much rat poison (read: aspartame) as regular Diet Coke, PLUS it tastes funny. If the people at Diet Coke can convince people that their beverage is healthy, then we will be impressed. But we think that if God wanted us to get our recommended daily doses from soda, then he wouldn't have given us blueberries, oranges and spinach.
4. Protein Water
Protein water had been around for a while, but now it's being advertised as a diet aid. Have you seen the ads for the new Special K20 Protein Water Mix? They drive us crazy, telling women that if they dare get hungry at lunchtime, they should mix chemically sweetened powder into their water and nip it in the bud! That's almost as bad as telling women that they should eat three bowls of cereal a day (at 120 calories each) to lose weight.
5. Diet Cookies
Dr. Siegal's "Cookie Diet" is all the rage, claiming that people can lose 15 pounds a month just by eating cookies! Sounds awesome, right? Not so fast. Actually, this diet is quite similar to a fast. Over an entire day, you're supposed to eat just six of Siegal's very expensive, very small and very tasteless cookies, plus one meal made of 6 ounces of lean protein and one cup of vegetables. This comes to about 800 calories a day, takes all the fun out of cookies and is just about the biggest insult to a human's intelligence we've ever heard. How about eating healthy versions of healthy foods and real cookies as an enjoyable treat rather than torturing ourselves with this crap that makes us poor, miserable and hungry?