01/29/2014 12:00 pm ET Updated Mar 31, 2014

Loglines for Recently Picked up Network Sitcoms -- Coming this Fall!

Don't ask me how, because I won't tell you -- but recently, I came across the loglines for some highly anticipated new shows coming to network television this fall. It's both exciting and super exciting to think that you can read about these shows now, and then watch them then! Heck -- this is why the Internet was invented.

Without any further exposition --

When a disease forces Dad into early retirement, his kids must take over the family valet business. This fall: "Parkin' Sons."

A drug dealer's the beneficiary of a good deed and decides to repay that kindness to his clients. This fall: "Peyote Forward."

When a Central European man is paid with an open ended figure, he gets the second chance he needed. This fall: "Blank Czech."

After making a deal with the devil, Darryl Strawberry is forced to shag balls for eternity. This fall: "Strawberry Fields Forever."

When a wealthy father dies, his kids must compete in a joke competition to win his estate. This fall: "Comedy of Heir'ers."

A genius mathematician decides to fulfill his dream of solving crimes and becomes a private investigator. This fall: "pi."

A failed comedian kicks off an awesome trend when his new business explodes on the 90s college scene. This fall: "Hackey."

A time traveling doctor is forced to return to his defining amputation or his family will die. This fall: "Back To The Suture."

A woman takes her sister's son on a journey of self-discovery to find his unique hidden talent. This fall: "Niches and Nephews."

A rock and roll legend's reality show revolves around his family's arguments. This fall: "Petty Differences."

When King Arthur learns Guinevere has cheated on him with Lancelot, it leads to an epic showdown. This fall: "Sworded Affair."

When a conman buys a racehorse to convince his son he's gone legit, the results are deceptive. This fall: "One Trick Phony."

Sparks fly when a pyromaniac decides to follow his dream of becoming a playwright. This fall: "Flare For The Dramatic."

Penny Hardway, a progressive stripper, starts charging men by their mind not their money. This fall: "Penny For Your Thoughts."

A retail store district manager (DM) quits her unfulfilling job to pursue her dream of acting. This fall: "Carpe DM."

A high ranking military official decides to pursue his passion of public speaking. This Fall: "Generally Speaking."

A 90-year-old man poops himself during thunderstorms. Coming this fall: "Depends On The Weather."