12/15/2009 11:50 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Obama to Send 30,000 Troops to Island of Misfit Toys

General McChrystal recommends more forces to deal with misfits like Spotted Elephant

WASHINGTON - Despite polls that show most Americans sharply opposed, President Obama will deploy 30,000 troops to the Island of Misfit Toys.

"The island is exporting things like choo-choos with square wheels on the caboose," said an administration spokesman. "We can no longer overlook that."

"I don't understand why he needs to send troops," said the island's official sentry, Charlie in the Box. "We only have one weapon and that's a water pistol that doesn't shoot water - it shoots jelly!"

Experts note that the island's army consists of a single cowboy who rides an ostrich and its navy and air force are comprised of a boat that doesn't float and a plane that doesn't fly, respectively.

"We're all misfits," explained Dolly for Sue, who suffers from depression.

The administration spokesman said drone aircraft would be inadequate to combat the island's method of delivering misfit toy payloads. "They go up in Santa's sleigh, an elf hands them an umbrella and they fly down to someone's house," he said. "We don't have anything close." He said that for ideas, the U.S. is studying The Fantastic Mr. Fox.

King Moonracer, the flying lion who governs the island, has suspended flights around the world to search for unwanted toys until the situation can be resolved.

"No toy can be truly happy until it is loved by a child," he said. "However, it is also true that no military toy can be truly happy until it is deployed in armed conflict."

To help smooth things over, the Obama administration has offered to send a new misfit to live on the island - the Nobel Peace Prize.

"How would you like to be a Peace Prize that's used to justify not peace, but war?" said the Nobel Peace Prize.

"You'll fit right in here," said the bird that doesn't fly, it swims.