10/02/2012 01:25 pm ET Updated Dec 02, 2012

Conservative = Backwards

That Mitt Romney is politically conservative isn't the reason I'm not going to vote for him.

I'm open-minded... If Romney could convince me that implementing conservative political strategy would result in better outcomes for the ways the government manages and disperses tax money, I'd consider it. After-all, I used to think NASCAR was boring until I went to a race. At which point I discovered NASCAR isn't just boring. It's also loud. Plus, there's quite a bit of car exhaust in the air.

That Mitt Romney is crazy rich and woefully out of touch with the struggles of poor and middle class Americans also isn't the specific reason I'm not voting for him.

I'd like to be crazy rich some day. And when I am, like most crazy rich people, I'll get a bigger house with a taller fence, far away from commerce, noise, traffic and everyone who insists "façade" is pronounced fuh-sahd instead of a fuh-kahd.

I'll travel first class, eat only lobster and ribeye steaks -- even for breakfast, and socialize only with people who wear ascots and say things like: "Release the Hounds" without any sense of irony. And it's likely -- if I plan it right -- I'll never have to see, bump into or hear from anyone who doesn't eat surf and turf for breakfast and thinks the stuff in the Sky Mall catalogue is not only cool, but also affordable.

And, while simultaneously eating lobster and ribeye steaks and watching "Gigelos" on Showtime, while racing through the galaxy in my personal space elevator will be totally awesome for me... that very uncommon lifestyle would make me an awful president. And not just because my fingers would be perpetually covered in clarified butter and Santa Maria style dry rub.

Nor am I persuaded not to vote for Romney because of his promise to lower taxes on the rich and cut corporate taxes by 30 percent.

(See reference above to personal space elevator and know that I'm now also the proud owner of a Sky Mall exclusive garden Yeti.)

The reason I'm not voting for Mitt Romney is not because of his Republican political affiliation... but rather, I'm not voting for him because of the dictionary's alternate meaning for the word: "conservative."

Did you know "conservative" also means:

"Disposed to restore traditional institutions and to limit change."

Mitt Romney wants to ignore the monumental progress the nation has made socially, scientifically, medically and financially over the last 50 years and that's the reason I'm not voting for him.

I'm not voting for Mitt Romney because the direction he wants to take America is: backwards.

If Mitt Romney becomes president, he will cut support to Planned Parenthood and make abortions legal only in cases of rape, incest or if the life of the mother is in danger.

The battle for a woman's right to choose is a battle that has already been won. This debate is settled. Would it be better if there were fewer abortions? Absolutely. Are there some people who use abortion as a form of birth control? Absolutely. And all of us should do more to encourage people to behave more responsibly.

And a return to back alleys and coat hanger medicine is a willful and shameful attack on women that ignores their courage and the consequences of an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy.

If Mitt Romney becomes president, he will advocate and support a constitutional amendment that will recognize marriage as just the union of one man and one woman.

Someday, in the near future, our children will look back on the treatment of gays and lesbians by our government and too many of its people as deplorable, unconscionable and un-American.

Separate is not equal.

If Mitt Romney becomes president, he says he supports the construction of a fence along our southern border with Mexico.

Just because a fence would keep immigrants from touching Mitt Romney's Space Elevator, does not mean it will keep millions of Latin Americans from crossing into the U.S.

People from all over the world are literally dying to get to the U.S. Is it because we have nice beaches? Free speech? Pizza with cheese in the crust? All of that is likely part of it. But my suspicion is that people want to come to the U.S. because where they live sucks. They're hungry. They're thirsty. Their electricity doesn't always work. They want to speak freely. They want a military that protects their borders, and doesn't shoot at them. They want to work. They want to make money. They want to feed their family.

But they can't.

People who live outside the U.S. will stop wanting to come here when where they live doesn't suck.

Sure, building a fence will create jobs for Americans. But, it will also create jobs on the other side, too for the people who make tall ladders and shovels.

If Mitt Romney becomes president, he will dismantle the Affordable Health Care Act.

One of the principals this nation is built upon is this: that in exchange for giving up a few of our freedoms and choices the vast preponderance will be protected.

Sure, I can't shoot my neighbor if he parks his car in front of my house, even though I've asked him not to like a thousand times. On the other hand, he can't shoot me because I think his baby is ugly.

Yes, I get that conservatives think that forcing Americans to pay for a service (health insurance) that they don't want or need is unconstitutional. However, how do they feel at the end of the year when their house doesn't burn down or they didn't get mugged? Are they entitled to get back the portion of their taxes that went to pay for police protection and firemen? Of course not.

Not only is having health insurance vital to all American's health, it's vital to our nation's health, as well. Governor Romney's plan is that uninsured Americans will walk into emergency rooms and get the health care they need.

That's just dumb, regressive and backwards.