Fred Thompson

Fred Thompson finally threw his hat into the ring of Republican presidential candidates.

In the Senate he was known for being a lazy legislator but an energetic pursuer of poon.

He is a one-dimensional actor with a tiny palette. But he is the best right-wing Hollywood candidate in his price range.

Ever since Ronald Reagan lowered the bar of American politics to enable mediocre thespians to run for high office we have suffered our share of Republican cardboard.

Sonny Bono became a Congressional representative. Arnold Schwarzenegger became Governor of California. And even the talentless drip who played "Gopher" on The Loveboat held a seat in the U.S. House of Representatives from Iowa.

Now Fred Thompson wants to get into the act. His "qualifications" amount to little more than being able to emote on demand and read a mean teleprompter. He's not an "empty suit," but a desiccated, mummified version of 1950s Man. John Wayne meets Charlton Heston.

His ideas about blockading Iran while continuing to occupy Iraq make him the scariest Republican presidential aspirant to come out of the woodwork since the day Rudy Giuliani announced his candidacy.

Where is William Shatner when you need him?