10/20/2014 02:50 pm ET Updated Dec 20, 2014

Authentic Sensuality: That's Hot!

How to Embrace a "Sofia/J.Lo" kind of Authentic Sensuality
"The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are." ~ C.G. Jung

Lusty, provocative, titillating, intoxicating; words that evoke a certain kind of woman that we secretly would like to be thought of at some time in our life. Not necessarily to act upon, even though that could be lovely as well, but just to know that we have the power to evoke such powerful emotions. This God-given ability to arouse interest in the opposite sex was imprinted in the female DNA at conception and it shows up in every species on the planet.

Yet for so many this inborn talent is either misunderstood, drastically under used or down-played entirely, which is such a shame since this is a gift not to be wasted. Fortunately, I've had some worldly-wise women awaken me to the power of my female energy, and now as a worldly-wise woman myself I intend to pass it on.

I first fell in love with the word "ripe" in relation to my womanhood when some years back a gentleman admirer likened my persona to "a luscious piece of ripe fruit." The visual of a ripe juicy peach at its perfection, firm and rosy yet succulent to the bite, seemed like a wonderful way to be viewed... similar to the Sofia Vergara/Jennifer Lopez version of womanliness I so appreciate.

These kind of women embrace their femininity and are unabashedly sensual in almost everything they do, yet rarely are frivolous sexual. Because of that clear distinction, they have had many men love them, take care of them and marry them, while never being deterred from developing their mind, talents or their sense of love and joy and spirituality -- the source of Authentic Sensuality.

Authentic Sensuality, in essence, comes from how tuned in you are to your feelings and how invested you are in experiencing the delight of the senses. The smell from the bouquet of the unknown, the sweet taste of something yet to come, the clear sight of a new possibility, the sound of a whisper and the touch that feels new and exciting are all a part of the journey to living a joy-filled life. "Sensuality likes to make love at the border where time and space change places," and with an adventurous spirit that is not particularly quiet, your body movements can reflect your aliveness in so many delicious ways.

A ripe, sensual woman is a confident woman who fully inhabits her body. She has learned to treasure all the curves and delights of her temple and has taken the time to get to know and enhance her attributes; whether they are perfectly defined arms, the sway of her hips or the contour of her back. It could be the swell of her breasts, the roundness of her buttocks or her strong, firm legs. Whatever her body type or structure she loves it, simply because it's her body!

This kind of woman understands her own unique style and is comfortable in expressing it. She has learned how to cultivate her subtleties and intricacies, whether it's her alluring "come hither" voice, in and out of bed, her magnetic smile and infectious way of laughing or the mischievous twinkle in her eyes, attributes refined with years of experience and a well-developed mind.

A "well developed mind" gives you the strength to relax around what used to cause angst and pain and the good opinions of others. Self-belief is the backbone of sensuality and the beginning of independence. When a woman takes responsibility for her decisions and trusts she can handle almost anything, being authentic in every sense of the word is her only choice.

What makes a woman independent is her imagination, a desire to become the shero in her own story and the master of her fate. It has nothing to do with "the reality" others see, only what she chooses to see and act upon. A woman who is only limited by her own imagination never considers her fantasies mere whims or capricious thoughts, but more like the blessed whispers of what is possible and merely moments away. The bottom line is a woman of any age who owns her own authentic sensuality is just damn sexy!

So when I went in search of what some men thought authentically sensuality looked like, their answers were not only revealing, but came with great advice worth heeding. I certainly did, and I suggest you do the same!

Robert said: "My first thought is of this older woman I met on holiday in Ibiza Spain. Her laugh, her attitude, her chutzpah and obvious passion for life makes her irresistible! Surrounded by women augmented to look younger, her confidence made her look ageless. That's Authentic Sensuality!

Jack said: "The paramount quality that makes a woman sexy is her outlook on life. If she laughs without measure, you know she derives great joy from life, has the ability to transcend pain and grief and still find pleasure in the mere fact of her existence. Is this not the most appealing element of any human -- their ability to feel and express joy? To me, this is our single most captivating virtue and one which, in my mind, is infinitely sensual."

Harry said: "Sensuality, opposed to sexuality, is something that comes from the inside out and I almost think you are born with it. Because when it is authentic it becomes a part of everything you do; the way you speak, the way you move, the way you dance, the way you eat, the way you say nothing." Being authentic is the secret to being confident, and nothing is more sensual than a confident woman."

So if you also admired the Sofia's/J.Lo's of the world, and wouldn't mind it a bit if someone saw you as a ripe woman with authentic sensuality, why not begin to incorporate some of these hints into your persona and see what happens? Authentic Sensuality, now that's hot!

**Excerpted from LIFE~LUST~and LOVE: A Seasoned Woman's Inside Secret's From Ordinary to Extraordinary New Release in fall 2014 www. Joy