12/02/2014 06:24 pm ET Updated Feb 01, 2015

Open Letter to Kim K: How to Tell the Difference Between a BFF and Your Kid

Joshua Hodge Photography via Getty Images

Recently Kim Kardashian posted a photo of herself and her 2-year-old, calling the latter her "best friend." I hear this all the time: parents and kids claiming the other is their best friend. It drives me crazy! Your kids don't need another friend. They need a loving, respectful and respectable role model who will help them become a happy, productive adult!

For those of you who need a reminder, here are five ways to know the difference between a BFF and your kids:

1. The Butt test

BFF: You have not ever wiped her butt. Ever. (Held her hair back while she threw up, sure. But never wiped her butt.)

Kid: She needs you for everything, including butt wiping; and she hardly ever does those things for you in return. At least not until you're in your late 80s.

2. You share a history

BFF: You go way back. You can talk about everything and you don't need to explain things like who David Cassidy is and who was cuter, he or Bobby Sherman (David Cassidy, obviously.)

Kid: You go way far back that she was in the womb while you were above drinking age (but obviously not drinking since someone was in your womb). And every time you talk, she has to explain what the heck she's talking about #whydotheytalkinhastags

3. Sex

BFF: You don't get all queasy inside when she shows you the new lingerie she bought to surprise her man or when she tells you how the weekend went. In detail.

Kid: She has to use your money to buy the lingerie and if she has sex, it's likely going to be in your house when you are not home. Maybe even in your bed.

4. Nagging

BFF: She's in charge of her own life and is doing a pretty good job at it. Most of the time. You may get on her back about scheduling her annual mammogram, but you trust that she will take care of business.

Kid: She often needs someone to remind her to brush her teeth, and then when she doesn't, you have to pay her dental bills.

5. Guidance

BFF: She is an amazing person because she had a parent who guided her, had firm boundaries regarding appropriate behavior and topics, and helped shape her into the adult she is today through modeling, coaching and mentoring.

Kid: That's what your kid needs YOU to be, not another friend.

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