THE BLOG
12/19/2014 04:42 pm ET Updated Feb 17, 2015

Beware of People Who Love You!

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When things don't go to plan do your loved ones say "never mind, at least you tried" or worse still "I told you so," OR... do they say "ok, so what did you learn and what will you do differently next time?"

If you have a big vision for yourself and what you want to do in the world then it is absolutely vital that you surround yourself with other people like you who have a big vision of what they can achieve in the world.

Unfortunately our loved ones often don't share or understand our goals, especially when we start to dream big! Sometimes they may even be critical or dubious about our big visions. They might think that they want us to achieve great things but they aren't always the people that help us to do that, in fact they usually contribute to keeping us safe and therefore small.

Sadly we allow our friends and family to clip our wings and we stay small and caged rather than flying. We allow ourself to stay small because big visions need lots of support, encouragement and belief. When we don't get that from others we start to doubt ourself and our goals, and let's face it being safe is a lot easier than stepping out of our comfort zone to chase visions that aren't always very clear.

If you have someone in your life who is critical, dubious or unsupportive ask yourself "what is behind that"?

I'd bet my bottom dollar that is it fear...

  • Your husband loves you and maybe he's afraid you will outgrow him.
  • Your mom loves you and maybe she is afraid you will fail or get hurt because she doesn't realize that there is no failure only feedback.
  • Your best friend loves you and maybe she is afraid you will find new friends.

When we love someone we want to protect them but big visions don't come to life when we are safe. They happen when we have people in our life who motivate, inspire and encourage us. People who say "what's next" people who say "fantastic, when are you going to do it." Many of us have mothers, friends and partners who are great at the support you need when you've had a rotten day and you need a glass of wine and a hug... but not great at saying "go try again!"

The truth is having big visions doesn't mean leaving others behind, it means finding "big vision support" elsewhere. So once you've had that glass of wine and a hug and hubby has gone back to watching football you have someone who will say "come on then, what are you waiting for... you've got things to do."

Big vision support means finding a coach, mentor, community or mastermind group who will push you when you are scared, pick you up when you fall down, challenge you, problem solve with you and celebrate with you when you take another step towards that big vision.

Wine and cakes are great if you need cheering up or for a reward but life is about balance so make sure you have a network that balances with those who love you but unknowingly want to keep you safe.