03/18/2010 05:12 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

2012 GOP Candidates as Diverse And Exciting as Their Ideas

the vast wasteland that is the 2012 GOP presidential landscape,
fresh-faced stars join seasoned statesman to create a powerful
right-wing juggernaut designed to bring down NObama and the rest of
those God-awful Democrats ruining America.

Now normally this
would sound like a delightful plan to reinvigorate a hurting Grand Old
Party and restore America's faith in the conservative movement by
reclaiming their rightful place on vacation on a ranch in Texas in the White House.

course, this would require that the candidates are people who voters
actually think are competent enough to babysit their kids, let alone an
entire nation, but with the elections three or so years away, who
really has time for such formalities?

There's the always-compelling, perennial front-runners like Mittens Romney, Newt "Are You Morons Really Gonna Force Me To Run?" Gingrich, and formerly obese master of meaningless Iowa straw polls Mike Huckabee.

And let's not forget adorable, already-sparkling superstars like sexy, semi-retired multimillionaire Sarah Palin and nerdy, token minority Piyush "Bobby" Jindal whose charm and charisma is enough to make an AARP member want to grab the Bengay and boogie down.

Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty is getting in the game, casually
ramping up his national profile by launching his political action
committee "Freedom First" in order to travel the country talking to
assorted teabaggers, secessionists, birthers and other nutjobs about
how this secret Muslim President is destroying America by fixing its
health care system and winning Nobel Peace Prizes.

proves that it is weakness, not strength, that tempts our enemies,"
Pawlenty said in an interview with Newsmax. "And he is projecting
potential weakness, and enemies may see that and their respect may be
reduced as a result of that, or worse."

Like they might even get a shoe chucked at their head??

also accused the president of being "extremely partisan in his
approaches," particularly when it comes to pushing his socialist health
care agenda.

Obama has governed in an extremely liberal way, and he hasn't
accomplished many major initiatives, but the few that he has have been
almost exclusively partisan," he said. "That defies what he said during
the campaign and doesn't live up to that promise."

Obama has "a
philosophy that government knows best, a nanny-state mentality on
domestic issues that will ultimately be corrosive to the other pillars
of our country - to markets, private enterprise, individual
responsibility, freedom and liberty."

God damn you NObama! I mean can you believe the nerve of that guy? Thinking government knows best or even knows anything about how to run a country anywhere except straight into the ground is simply absurd!

thing's for sure: George W. Bush certainly never had any delusions he
could alter the course of history or that his decisions would have
unanticipated consequences and far-reaching effects. Except of course
on those few occasions when he was acting on behalf of a higher power
as God's chosen messenger on Earth.