Hurray for the First Amendment! Now it's time for Second Amendment games. The recent 9th Circuit Court of Appeals decision to overturn the prohibition of violent video games sales to fragile, impressionable California youth has dealt a blow to the budget-celebratory Governator by telling him to take his Nanny State laws and shove it. Now the kids can finally spend their dwindling allowance money on the backlog of used Californication games that they've always wanted, like that limited edition version of Grand Theft Auto with the "Hot Coffee" porn mod. Thomas Claburn at InformationWeek does an excellent job outlining the Court's genuine concerns about the government getting into the business of "thought policing" the next generation with legislation based on insubstantial evidence.
The truth is, video games provide powerful training tools for kinesthetic learning and simulation. Games are used by surgeons to learn new procedures. The U.S. Army even has a department, the PEO STRI, dedicated to supporting such training tools. I say it's high time we combine these efforts and create a new generation of self-defense games! Forget all of the violent video game psycho-babble and nanny state talk, let's just teach the kids how to become scalpel-wielding, precision self-defenders. Claiming that video games reinforce aggressive behavior is so yesteryear. We need motion sensor games that teach kids how to kill someone with a small, sharp object in a single, well-placed jab. Think of the possibilities: the nagging bully problem will stop, no more cutting in line, no more name calling, and finally some healthy childhood checks and balances. If everyone is a trained ice-pick assassin, then it's the perfect Cold War schoolyard truce. Forget those messy media sensationalized killings, this is just good, clean self-defense fun. As the wise 9th Circuit justices pointed out in Claburn's article, there is no proof that these kids would ever use their newfound skill-set for malicious purposes. And while California legislators tried to offer some teeth to the video game industry's comical attempt at self-regulation in the form of the ESRB and their MPAA like ratings system, there is no need anymore for their cute little alpha-numeric warning system and elective game publisher and retailer labeling compliance. Nah, these would be free, down-loadable, unrated games available to all ages, to educate them about a range of healthy, self-defense techniques.
I'll rest better knowing that there will be less Amber Alerts in the future and more taxpayer money saved from not incarcerating the crop of slain would-be-perpetrators. How comforting it will be if the 11 year-old high score holder of Street Scalpel is standing behind me at the ATM on payday the night before a 1080p version of the Wii console is going to be released. Forget the Nanny State, bring on the Ninja State!