I used to be a size 2. Once I got size zero pants, when I was maybe 15, and I was pretty proud. I would not be able to get into those pants now. Not even close. But sizing is confusing. For something so easy to place a lot of value on, it isn't nearly straightforward enough.
I often get the sense that I am lopsided, when I'm buying something for my bottom and something for my top at the same time. Because my sizes are all over the place, I wonder if my body is just disproportionate. It sometimes feels like all of my parts are making up their own minds, and none of them are interested in getting along with any of the others. Have my boobs ever even spoken to my butt? Has there ever even been an acknowledgement that they are in this together?
Can't you guys just be friends?
I always think I'm bigger than I am. When I feel awkward, especially, I feel like I'm taking up too much space. Like I'm stealing it.
When I was little, I wanted to be very tall when I grew up. Tall people are striking. They stand out.
When I grew up, I wished I could be a little shorter.
Women are infamous for getting their bodies wrong. In the show "How to Look Good Naked" (which I've watched a few episodes of), the featured woman, struggling desperately with her own perceived ugliness, is asked to compare her body against a lineup of other, mostly naked ones. She always picks a stomach bigger than hers to identify with.
The message is strong, and I always start to cry when the woman proudly models her lingerie at the end. But I also can't help thinking, "What about the woman whose stomach she just pointed at? Doesn't she count, too?" The first, mistaken woman is jumping up and down going, "I'm not as fat as I thought!" But does the woman she picked out of the lineup go home thinking, "I'm how fat other women are terrified of being"?
So when a friend sent me this site, called My Body Gallery, I wasn't totally ready to support it. I have that instinct to think, "Well, thank god I at least don't look like her." Or "I wish I looked more like her." And I don't like to do that.
But at the same time, I love to look at real women's bodies. I love it when women talk about their bodies. And I say this without feeling even slightly pervy. I want to get real information about what real women look like. Like everyone else, I sometimes need to be reminded that my own body is perfectly normal.
Well, why wouldn't it be?
I don't know. But it's easy to begin to believe it isn't. Every other woman has longer, slimmer ankles than me. No one else has breasts that will not for any reason, at any point, create any amount of cleavage. And the sizes... What is the deal with my measurements?
Nothing, says My Body Gallery. There is no deal.
Because even people with the same measurements as me look different. They look different from me and different from one another. And at the same time, I see myself in them. I like them automatically.
When I look past that instinct to rate, rank, and repeat, I see something much more interesting on My Body Gallery. Myself, as a part of a spectrum of women who all look a little different and a little the same. I see that the sizes that we too often use to measure our self worth look a hundred different ways on a hundred different women. There are no rules. There is no inherent meaning in 2 or 6 or 12 or 14. I need to be told that sometimes.
After all, there's a part of me that is still feeling guilty for being a 6 instead of a 2. Or an occasional 8 on the bottom. I used to be a 2. Why can't I be a 2 anymore?
What do I think a 2 even means?
Obviously, I'm getting it wrong. And it feels really, really good to be corrected.
Read more from Kate at Eat the Damn Cake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.