Self-esteem and divorce: When it comes to reinventing yourself at midlife and beyond, they mix together as well as oil and water. At best, your divorce settlement leaves you happy to finally move on. At worst, you're scraping yourself off the floor.
"Pick yourself up and get back in the game, That's life!" -- Frank Sinatra.
But it's not always easy.
Feeling good about the New You takes work.
Start by weeding out old clothes and adorning yourself with new ones.
The day the gavel went down on my divorce, I went directly to my closet and started to pitch out the old stuff. Some of the clothing was more than 25 years old! Clothes were flying off the hanger and into a Goodwill bag.
Last year, I asked my best-dressed colleagues (both men and women) for their best shopping tips as we reinvent ourselves. They met three criteria: They were over 50 years old; they went through a divorce after age 50; and they always look stylish and put-together.
Here are the top tips that I heard consistently.
What's your best advice when shopping for the New You after divorce?
- Buy and wear only what you love, no exceptions -- clothes, coats, shoes, jewelry. Everything that goes on your body says, "Yes! I love how I look in this!" Right now, you need all the love you can get.
- Know what style looks good on you. Buy it again. And again. It'll never go out of style because it looks good on you.
- Buy the best you can afford.
- Buy quality, not quantity. It will last longer and you'll feel better when wearing it. If you must shop in re-sale shops, tell yourself that you're there to feel beautiful. Never enter telling yourself that you will find a "deal." Deals are for cars.
- Don't be moved by trends or fads. If you think the garment or accessory complements you -- whether it's trendy or has timeless style -- go for it. But don't buy something simply because it's "in."
- Listen to your gut. Don't buy something just because the sales associate says you look fabulous. If your gut says no, leave it on the rack.
- Take care of your clothes. When they are clean and pressed, you feel stronger, more confident, and zesty. The Colombo look is not cool.
- Keep your hair clean, beautiful, and styled. Get expert advice on what looks good on you. Don't get stuck in a hairstyle you wore 30 years ago--unless you want to look like you stepped out of a time warp and a tired marriage.
- Don't buy shoes you can't walk in. We've all done it. Resist the urge. Nothing looks so good that you should sacrifice comfort.
- Invest in undergarments that make you feel sensual and happy. You want luxury and loveliness next to your skin. Watch the smile on your face. No one will know -- but you will.
Contact me personally if you need help concerning your own personal challenges.
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