THE BLOG
10/05/2015 11:42 am ET Updated Oct 05, 2016

Why Actions Don't Speak Louder Than Words

BFG Images via Getty Images

I'm guessing you've experienced a man you like do one of these things...

  • Not text back
  • Cancel a date
  • Show up late
  • Stall when asking you out

And after he did that, you thought: "Well, actions speak louder than words, so he must not be that into me"

I hear women use this line not only for themselves, but then they tell other single friends the same thing: "Judge him by his actions, not his words."

If I had used this as a "rule," I definitely wouldn't be in a relationship that SUPPORTS me on every level I desire. My husband's actions were definitely not always what I wanted.

This rule creates the impression that everyone is clear on their intentions and is doing EXACTLY what they want -- 100% of the time.

We are human and have a ton of mixed emotions around EVERYTHING.

Haven't you ever acted in a way that was misinterpreted?

Let me give you an example:

Have you ever made dinner plans with a friend, but then you have to stay at work late because of a fire you have to put out?

So you cancel.

Imagine your friend thinking, "Oh well. I guess she just doesn't want to be friends with me."

If that happened, wouldn't you want to shake your friend and say, "That's the furthest thing from the truth!"

So imagine placing all of this into a bowl and mixing it up:

Past love experiences, pressure from family and friends to be married, feeling lonely, hurt, rejection, feeling like you aren't confident enough, not wanting to seem too needy, etc.

That's your brain. Often, that is why you're so confused about what you want with a man.

Men are no different.

The only way to know if a guy is interested, wants to be in a relationship with you, is in love with you, wants to get back together, or simply wants a second date is to...

ASK.

I know that it's scary.

Using the rule "actions speak louder than words" has you assuming a lot of things. Know that you can't read his mind, and he can't read yours. So ask, ask, ask. It will bring you clarity, closure, and a sense of knowing what he is thinking and feeling.

So, next time you hear something like "actions speak louder than words" ask yourself if that saying is stopping you from asking for clarity and closure.

This week's Lovework is to tell me below in the comments if you've ever said, "Actions speak louder than words". How did it help? Or not? I would love to hear.