The Likes of You and Not Being Cool

07/30/2015 05:20 pm ET Updated Jul 30, 2016

Ma'am -- may I take your lunch order? Avocado scramble with Aardvark Sauce please. My daughter smirks. The likes of you smirk. The ma'am giving her cart blanche to finish me off, the conversation of "the likes of me" and my people signing up for Tinder.

I hid it and now I flaunt it. I found love through my phone, an app with a darling little torch as a brand stamp. And now the little peanut gallery is giving me grief. Is this ageism? I am being discriminated against love options over a bowl of breakfast delights? When did I score pad enough birth dates to be embarrassing to my children?

What do you mean (you little shit puppet I want to add, but I don't since I gave birth to this child and she is a delight most of the time), the likes of me? You know I am in love and it is because of Tinder I am so lucky. Yes, hmm, but it's embarrassing. The likes of you don't use Tinder like we (who is the we team by the way?) do. It's a hook up site. Yah, I read that. Well kid, I think that the wherever-you-go-there-you-are applies even for a dating phone app with a scarlet letter rep. And by the way is the likes of cool young you using Tinder to "hook up"? No. Ok. I then venture out to ask, what happens when you regularly see/date a prospect, are they a lover or a boyfriend? I risk the you just won't get it, its too hard to explain look, to gather more goods. Oh my god no one says lover, mom, it is called a "thing." So is a thing a step below a boyfriend? She smiles, mom is not so stupid. Yes, mom, a thing is below boyfriend. Progress grasshopper.

We take a car and then we park, the traffic is sufferable. We walk for a mile. Then a fit enthusiastic bicycle taxi man offers a ride the last bit, to the venue. One Direction is presenting to a sold out stadium for a gazillion folks. What does New Direction sing, my man asks, innocently. After a dramatic pause and a deep breather in, she says, you know, I hate you both. Oddly, in a sweet way we feel her love since she is smiling. She seems to be liking her position above the dumb ass adults. She invests the remaining transport time helping us find some of the OD tunes on our phones. Reminding us that the band is named One Direction, which we keep forgetting. We sing along. That was a little much for her. We have escaped the crazy adult asylum and she is losing her patience. We drop her off. She has a grand time.

We pick her up hours later. You know the people next to me where just like the likes of you! Translation: old and ridiculous.

I do not know when my nearing Aarp card benefits age kick in, but I still feel young and a little cool. When did I become a part of the Folks Like You club member? I don't feel too un-cool or anything though, yet, I just hear that I am. I cannot remember the lyrics to my new favorite ND song. Darn it, I liked that one. I surrender to my new direction.