THE BLOG
11/05/2014 04:16 pm ET Updated Feb 03, 2015

Am I Worthy Enough Yet?

I don't think this is a question that any of us ask ourselves consciously. We don't get out of bed asking, "Am I worthy enough yet?"

But this question affects every single action that we take every single day, especially for women.

As women, we are constantly shown what will make us worthy: the new hair color, the new improved diet, lunchtime plastic surgery, the superwoman ideal and everything else that sets us on a roller coaster of feeling not quite worthy enough yet, which then leaves us feeling more worthless, and so we succumb more and more to the roller coaster.

I will be worthy when I have lost the last 5kg.

I will be worthy when he/she loves me.

I will be worthy when I have no wrinkles.

I will be worthy when I have THE house/car.

I will be worthy when I get promoted.

I will be worthy when I have abs.

I will be worthy when...

"I will be worthy when" never ends.

As a teenager, one of my "I will be worthy when..." moments was having long, straight hair, which takes some serious commitment when you are African!

So, for many years, I sat for 12 hours at a time having plastic extensions added to my head that were so long they went down below my bum. The longer the hair, the worthier I was, or so I thought. Until the day I realized that I would like to invest those 12 hours of my life doing something else.

Having very long hair did not make me worthy.

So, I thought of a quicker way to make my hair straight, which was to have it relaxed, which entails having a very strong acid put onto your hair and scalp.

It burns. It really burns. I did this once. My hair began to fall out. A burned, balding head did not make me worthy.

Then I thought, I know, I will be worthy when I am thin. So I went on my first (and last) diet at 14. It did not make me worthy; it made me hungry. Not just for food, but hungry to be living fully in life, a life where counting calories had no place.

Where do these ideas of worthiness come from? Yes, from the media, yes from peers, yes from society, yes from culture.

But if I am honest, they came from me. It was me who decided to believe these ideas and then I created my own checklist of what was going to make me feel worthy in the world and, unfortunately for me, they were all external. I caused my own worthlessness.

It was not until I realised that I could set my own worthiness agenda that I gained personal power.

My worthiness agenda is not a list I have, it is about taking daily actions aligned with feelings of worthiness. Knowing that I am worthy of my own effort, attention and respect.

When I treat my body with worth, I feed myself well.

When I treat my relationships with worth, I invest deeper.

When I treat my wellbeing with worth, I rest.

When I treat my boundaries with worth, I can give more.

When I treat my own joy with worth, I laugh more.

I choose that, regardless of what I am being told and sold, I will nourish my own worthiness.

I feel the most beautiful when I choose to be worthy.