11/23/2014 08:38 am ET Updated Jan 23, 2015

Rocket Rides Are For Astronauts, Not Boomer Daters

How Many Rockets Have You Ridden?
Every boomer who has dated for a while knows how difficult it is to meet someone special, a keeper. Most single boomers have ridden a fair number of rockets, and each time they've blasted off willingly and hopefully, albeit naively. But the nerve-jangling hangover from a crashed rocket leaves boomers reeling in pain and confusion, and unfortunately for some, with only momentary resolve to avoid future sexual space travel.

Painful Re-entry

I was able to manage the side effects of rocket rides to the extent that I recovered from them quickly until my mid-40s. Up to then I'd intentionally sought rocket riders because that's what I thought love was supposed to feel like in the beginning. Lots of sex and hollow declarations of love followed three to six months later by the inevitable free fall back to earth, ending in a heart-crushing thud. But even the discombobulating side affects didn't dissuade me from seeking my next rocket ride partner.

Why We Board Rockets

Rocket riding was connected to my sense that I wasn't lovable. I was grateful a woman was willing to take that ride with me. Most rocket riders have similar stories. An abusive boyhood left me with low self-esteem and feeling unlovable until I decided I'd suffered long enough. I joined a men's group and worked through the issues that kept pushing me toward the launching pad. In time I healed the old wounds my unchallenged demons inflicted, and rocket riding finally lost its luster. If you're still eager to strap on a rocket every time you meet another willing sexual astronaut, consider that it may be time to end your self-sabotaging behavior.

A Needless Tragedy

I had a date coaching client who had a history of rocket rides that she wanted to change. She had a series of dates with men she met online that we both agreed had potential, but none sparked any special feelings. Unproductive first dates are typical. We'd been talking a few times a week, but suddenly she disappeared. So I called her because I was concerned something had happened to her. Something had. She'd taken a rocket ride with a slick dude from Texas she'd met online, who insisted he was coming to California to buy a mansion, and was so sure he wanted her to live in it with him that he wanted her to help him pick it out.

Serial Rocket Riders

As you've already guessed, what was a two-day affair, ended badly. In fact if turned out he had a few other women he'd sent the same message and he was meeting them one at a time for brief rocket rides before moving on to the next true love. She was devastated, and so sure I'd be angry with her that she'd hidden out. But I wasn't angry. She was a sweet woman and I was sad she'd been hurt by another failed adventure. She said she was taking a break from dating, which I agreed was a good idea. I hope she finally figured out what's involved in creating an authentic relationship, one that doesn't fizzle and smoke like a dud firecracker.

Love And Heroin
I'm a date and relationship coach, not a therapist, and while I fully comprehend the true nature of rocket riding, I can only point out the factors that still make some fifties or sixties boomers open to them. There's something I urge rocket prone boomers to consider. Rocket rides are a lot like heroin. They feel incredibly good for a brief period, the high is addictive, and they leave you feeling so bad that you repeat the same behavior just to feel good again. But unlike the flawed just say no to drugs campaign of the seventies, just saying no to rocket rides is doable. Alternatively, a boomer can continue healing their rocket wounds, but the emotional price tag attached to each recovery endures long after the rocket has crashed.

Don't Skip Falling In Love
The gap between rocket ride infatuation and love is Grand Canyon wide. The former is instant; the latter takes a while. Falling in love can't be rushed, and skipping the process only causes senseless pain and suffering. The appropriate response to an invitation for a rocket ride is thanks but no thanks. Rocket rides are for astronauts, not boomers looking for partners.

For more information about boomer sex, dating, and relationships, visit my website for helpful articles, blogs, and videos.

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