Too Much Kool-Aid
Robin Korth's article, "My 'Naked' Truth," touched me and countless other readers who felt her pain when her date said perfect bodies had spoiled him, after rejecting hers. I doubt her experience is an isolated one. It brings up an issue unlikely to be resolved any time soon, which is boomer men who overdose on the young girl sexual fantasy Kool-Aid and can only get it up for perfect-bodied women.
Dave didn't have a clue about the woman Robin was, and if they'd dated for another month, he still wouldn't, because his sexual rejection ignored her stellar qualities. A woman who's in shape, a world- traveled writer, and accomplished in so many ways, is a turn on for any man, except one who shares Dave's sexual problem.
Robin's article made me think about my 65-year-old partner Sarah. While she's aware of her physical imperfections, her self-esteem doesn't depend on perfection. I adore her body, which isn't perfect, and her mind, which is. Every boomer woman, is a victim of an American, youth-worship culture run amok. (I talked about why boomer women are perfect for boomer men on The Today Show.)
Robin's experience points to Dave's insecurities about aging, not hers. That he requires a youthful bodied woman to preserve his delusion about his own youthfulness, points to a stunning lack of character. Sure, he's entitled to his partner preferences, but he'd spare Robin and other women's feelings if he restricted himself to dating young, perfect women, and left incredible boomer women like Robin, Sarah, and millions of others to boomer guys who appreciate their awesome physical, mental, and emotional qualities.
Girls Or Women?
Contributing to the number of men who are only capable of having sex with perfect bodies, is a culture so focused on physical perfection that fashion magazines feature girls as young as 15 on their covers, posing as women. No woman can compete with a physical standard that seems focused on an almost child porn worship of girl-like bodies. The damage inflicted is ongoing, and while all women may not emulate these girls, men don't necessarily make the distinction between girls and women as readily.
The Cartoon Guys
The good news for Robin, and all single boomer women who have suffered dating experiences with superficial guys, is that there are plenty of single boomer men that appreciate a boomer woman, including her imperfections. That Robin's date was unable to become aroused by a less-than-perfect body points to his sexual dysfunction, which is the result of being conditioned to seeing only perfect women's bodies as sexually exciting. If men with Dave's sexual issue hope to get it up and keep it up, they'll need to date younger and younger women as they age, a cartoon image, which never fails to bring a wry smile to my face because I'm sure young girls really love having sex with older guys. And I'm equally sure their ability to perform sexually depends on being with older guys too.
Boomer Women Are The Gold Standard
It takes a strong woman to stand up to the pop cultural image of womanhood as regards boomer dating, but that's a lot to ask from a woman facing date discrimination based on a man's perception of perfection. But men with a modicum of vision are thrilled to date a fully- baked woman because they appreciate her inner and outer beauty.
I dated women my age because they're beautiful, wrinkles, lines, imperfect bodies and all, and the dialogue was typically interesting because we'd lived similar life experiences. My sexual performance was never tied to physical perfection, and fortunately this is true for many, if not most, boomer men.
If you're a guy who's only capable of functioning sexually with women with perfect bodies, continue your hapless pursuit. But if you're a guy who sees beauty in terms other than perfection, then you already know how beautiful and desirable boomer women are. And you probably own a full-length mirror and are aware that your attractiveness to women isn't tied to perfection either.
There's a world of difference between a guy who can appreciate a woman's perfect body, and a guy who can only have sex with a woman possessing one. The former is normal. The latter isn't. Not cool, Dave.
Ken is available through his website, www.kensolin.com and his Facebook page.
Ken's new book, The Boomer Guide to Finding True Love Online will be available in September. It addresses this issue and many other boomer dating issues in depth.