Society says:
Men are not allowed to be weak.
Men do not feel as deeply as women.
Men do not have emotional attachments to sex.
Men are fearless and courageous.
Men are here to save the day, the damsel and the world!
Today I am throwing my hands up in the air and saying e-nough!
With thoughts and stigmas like this, relationships are doomed before they even start.
It's time we put an end to the emotional imprisonment of men.
Unless we stop seeing our men through a distorted lens, we will always feel disappointed and as if he's not enough.
Ladies, he's not a White Knight, he's a human being. He's not perfect; he's flawed. Just as we are.
As much as the big screen likes to repeatedly demonstrate the amazing, enlightened, self-aware man rescuing the damsel at just the perfect moment, it's a rare occurrence in real life.
For Pete's sake, Ladies, we have to stop this nonsensical belief once and for all.
Gender Differences - Real or Not Real
There are very few gender lines I allow into my beliefs and the ones I do are mostly hormone or physiologically based. There are many books out there claiming males and females are very different and we must understand one another in order to get along.
I am publicly willing to stand in disagreement with this for many reasons. (But that's for another blog)
At the core level, the absolute deepest level of our being, we are souls. Souls that are a magnificent balance of masculine and feminine energies. Souls that came here to experience a physical body and the material world. At our very core, we are Spirit in human form.
All of us.
We may have chosen to experience the form of male or female, but our purpose for being here is the same. We are no different from one another. We are here to learn and grow closer to our Higher Self (God-Self) while existing in human form.
When we understand we are dealing with another soul housed in a male body, we can acquire a deeper understanding and appreciation for our partner that has the capacity to heal our fractured relationships.
Giving What You Are Expecting
I absolutely believe if we lose the White Knight stigma we've attached to our men and start looking at them from a new perspective, relationships en masse would dramatically improve!
Although I cannot speak to all relationships as there are too many individual and unique dynamics in play, I believe those of you who were drawn to this article possess the ability to alter the state of your partnerships by viewing your man through a clearer lens.
You can start by asking yourself this question:
Am I giving to my man what I am expecting from him?
If I've seen it once, I've seen it a hundred times. Women expecting to be nurtured, supported, caressed, complimented, made passionate love to (and the list goes on), but they're unwilling to do those things for their man.
Somewhere along the way they chose to believe it's the man's job, not theirs.
By putting such lopsided expectations are on our men, we create an atmosphere of perpetual lack and resentment.
Frankly, you are putting the entire relationship in the hands of your partner and by golly, that's an incredible burden for anyone to bear!
Ladies, he can show up for you. He can hold your hand. He can love you and respect you, but you have an equally important role in the relationship's success.
No one person can nurture the relationship alone. Happy, healthy relationships require both parties equally contributing to the healing and becoming of their partner.
What He's Not Saying
In my past, I had the belief that the man was supposed to fill the cracks of my broken heart. That my heart was the only fragile one in the room and the right man would know exactly how to make me feel safe and loved.
I was left disappointed every time until one day I looked deeper into the eyes and soul of the person I was putting my expectations on.
I discovered he was just as afraid as I was and his heart equally as fragile.
My entire life changed when I began to view men from a different perspective.
I started to see what the men in my life were not saying rather than what they were saying. I saw their fears and I heard their inaudible cries for love. I didn't tell them what I saw, I simply began approaching interactions with them differently - with love rather than expectation.
The responses that came were remarkable. Softness replaced hardness. Kindness replaced anger. Gratitude replaced bitterness. Appreciation replaced expectation.
It was a miracle.
Your man needs your love, attention, support, understanding and encouragement as much as you need it from him. He has his own store of false beliefs and fears just as you do. He is not exempt from the human experience just because he sports a penis.
Most men won't display their needs openly as they have been taught not to.
It's up to us to know that as human beings men experience the same emotions, fears and weaknesses as women do. If we want to experience the wonders of a reciprocally loving relationship, we need to step up and do our part.
And with this beautiful shift in perception, you will become the person he's always needed in his life - his soft place to fall. You will become his trusted companion, the one who knows and understands him like no other.
You will be the reason he becomes all that he is meant to be and the reason he will protect his kingdom at all costs.
He will become the White Knight you've always dreamed about simply because you love him for all that he is.